Love is a Broken Window | Cricky [C]

91 | Sorry

| Ricky's POV |

"I'm sorry, Chris!" I pleaded as I followed him back home.

He was a few steps ahead of me, and wouldn't stop. The way his fists clenched made me guess he wasn't too accepting of my apology.

"You're not sorry! You wouldn't have agreed to it if you were!" Chris replied over his shoulder.

"Okay, fine! Maybe I'm not sorry! I'm not sorry for agreeing to this, but I am sorry you're being such a heartless bastard!" I yelled at him.

Chris stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. "Heartless?" He snapped. "You want to talk about heartless?! That man abused you for years, and you treat him better than you do me! What, do you like being abused?!"

"I do not, Chris!" I responded, feeling the tears in my eyes. I didn't want to fight with him. "I don't treat him better! Excuse me for giving a shit that he's dying!"

"This is when you decide to grow a backbone? Defending him? How about all those years you should have been defending yourself? Or better yet, defending the guys and I when Jani would start shit with us?"

"You know I'd defend you until my dying breath." I stated truthfully as one tear slipped from my eye.

"If you truly had, Jani would have left a long time ago." Chris said, then grabbed my wrist. "You wouldn't have these scars on your arms from trying to kill yourself. You wouldn't have this scar on your head, from him trying to kill you. Shiloh wouldn't be in a hospital bed, my apartment wouldn't be trashed. None of this would have happened if you could have just left Jani four years ago."

"If you want to talk mistakes, do you want me to remind you about all the shit TJ fucked up? Why didn't you leave him? When he got in a fist fight with Ryan, or when he tried to rape me repeated times? When we had to blow gas money bailing him out of jail, or got kicked out of venues because of him? We both know that tattoo on your neck is more than a Misfits song."

Chris turned back around, muttering, "He may have made me cry, but he never made me bleed."

~~~

I didn't want to fight Chris, but I wasn't going to give into him. Morally, I know what I'm doing it right. Note that "right" and "smart" aren't exactly the same things. Whatever, he'll get over it. Or maybe he won't. The thing is, if he doesn't understand why I'm doing this, maybe him and I aren't as perfect as I thought.

His apartment was still a crime scene. I knew he'd sleep in mine, so I shot him a text to let him know I wasn't coming home tonight. I couldn't stay with Devin and Shi, not with their current condition. Plus that's too close to Chris. He'd know to look for me at Ryan or Balz. This was my only choice.

"I wasn't expecting you tonight." Jani said as he leaned on his front door.

Now I could really see how sick he was. His face had fallen in. He was skin and bones, and pretty much lifeless in his eyes. No matter what he's done to me, it still hurt to see anyone in this position.

"I, um, I wasn't expecting it either. Chris and I had a fight and I was hoping I could stay here tonight." I replied nervously.

"Yeah, of course." He weakly smiled.

Jani let me into his house. It's been a long time since I've been here. December walked into the front entrance, seemingly shocked to see me here. It was weird to see him without any makeup or fancy clothes. All he had on was some old sweats.

"Ricky, what're you doing here?" He asked.

"Staying the night, if that's okay with you." I replied.

December looked over at his brother, then nodded at me. "Yeah, yeah, I don't care. I was just a little surprised."

"I promised Jani I'd spend some time with him."

December took another moment. I guess it was a lot to soak in. He suddenly hugged me, whispering in my ear, "Thank you, that's all he wanted." Then he pulled away, smiling softly. "I'll leave you two, then. Jani, don't forget you need to take your meds."

"Yeah, yeah!" Jani teased. "C'mon, Sweetheart, I'll get you something to drink. December, can you bring his things to the guest room?"

"I, um, I can sleep in your room, if you want me to." I muttered, blushing.

He seemed taken off guard, but happy. "I'd never turn that down."

December took my things from me. He headed down the hall one direction. I followed Jani the other, to their kitchen. There must've been fifteen pill bottles on the counter. All prescription, of course. Poor thing.

"What can I get you?" He asked.

"I'll grab something, myself, Jani. I know my way around the place." I said, heading towards the cabinet.

I grabbed a cup. He came up behind me, setting one hand on my hip as he grabbed a glass with the other. Jani kissed my head as he leaned over me. Then he got some tap water from the sink, and I got some milk from the fridge.

Jani set his glass of water on the counter and started counting out various pills. I didn't mean to stare... I just did. "How long do you have?" I blurted out. Fuck I shouldn't have said that.

He gulped, not wanting to look at me in his answer. "I was supposed to have a year and a half left. Then I recently got a test back that said my t-cells were much lower than the doctors anticipated. I've got four months, tops."

"I'm sorry, Jani." I mumbled.

He threw back a handful of pills, chasing it with water. Then he looked straight at me and whispered, "I'm sorry too."