Potter-Malfoy-Lestrange?

Chapter 15

James frowned as soon as he opened the journal. They didn't write to him? The last they wrote was yesterday when he left saying he has to eat and L replied with Bye and Eat Well. Why didn't they write again? They will write every hour even if he doesn't reply well, except if they are sleeping. Then why didn't they write to him? Did they get angry at him? He took a quill from his quill stand and opened an ink bottle. He looked at both of them and had to smile, they are given by them. He missed their gifts. He wished they would send him more gifts. He sighed and looked at the journal. Why didn't they write? He thought before placing the quill on the journal and thought what to write.

*Hi*

James wanted to hit himself for writing that but he didn't know what else to write. He waited for them to write back but they didn't. Why aren't they writing back to him? Are they busy? They must be busy, that must be why they didn't write to him.

James placed the quill back beside the journal and looked at the journal with his elbow on the desk and his head on his palm. He watched the journal as if it would answer all his questions. Well, it will answer but only if the two persons on the other side are going to reply.

James still remembers how he didn't want to believe and that this was all some prank and they were playing with him. But, as the days passed and the gifts arrived daily and their letters which were written so neatly unlike his. His handwriting is like chicken scrawl.

He liked every gift they sent and he liked them more and more as he read the letter every day. How much he wished he would see them the first Hogsmeade weekend but Evans had to spoil everything. Then, they didn't write to him and he thought how they don't want him anymore. Then, Rabastan gave him this journal.

James didn't know what he feels about them anymore. He likes them, he is sure. But, he doesn't think he just likes them, He more than just like them and he is afraid of that. Last time, he thought he loved some one it resulted with everyday insults, heart break and now a stalker he wants to get rid off.

He is afraid to fall in love again and get hurt. What if they will leave him after a few days, after they get what they want. Talking to them, he felt nice and even happy. They sounded as if they really loved him but what if they are just acting. How can he be sure that they are not just trying to hurt him?

James didn't know where all these sudden thoughts came from but he was now really afraid to fall in love with strangers. Sirius said that they are nice for him. Even Remus told that they are right. Then why is he overthinking? He believes Sirius and Remus more than himself right? But what if they are wrong in this?

No, James you are thinking too much. He told himself. He looked at the journal and saw they didn't reply him. They are busy. They will reply as soon as they are free. They may love you but you shouldn't expect them to leave all their work and sit with the journal waiting for your reply. He scolded himself.

He stood up from the desk and started pacing in his room. What's wrong with him? Why can't he get himself together? Why is he thinking negatively? What's happening to him? He groaned as he flopped on his bed. His head is aching suddenly and he started to massage his temples as he looked up at the ceiling. He won't fall in love with them. He is not that brave to fall in love again only to be hurt when they leave him. He decided determinedly. He closed his eyes as tears streamed down. He is a coward and he knows that. He doesn't even deserve to be in Gryffindor. He hates himself for being afraid of falling in love again. But, he is afraid and he can't do anything about it.

James was snapped out of his negative and depressing thoughts by a knock on the door of the common room. He wondered who are here and sat up wiping his face and went out of his dorm to open the door.