Am I ready (Camren) Completed

chapter 9

Laurens pov.

Its been a week since Lily talked to me. I miss her smiles and hugs when I'm down she was always there to pull me through. Every time I would ask her something she would blow it off. And good golly if I touched her she would yell at me. I miss my baby and its distracting me from work. Its taking time and focus away from my job. But my job will never be as important as her. Right now all the girls left to go get food because today was a off day and we were just going to watch movies. I am on one bed and Lily is fast asleep on the other.

I got up an walked over to her and picked her up. I kissed her head and she hid her head in my neck. I walked to the balcony and grab a blanket to cover us up. Right now we are in Toronto and its 50 degrees out side but the air feels nice. I patted Lily's back and sat down with her facing me.

"I love you baby girl. I wish I could know what I did wrong. I miss being able to hug you and help you when you need it. Its almost like you wish I wasn't your mom. I'm sorry.. but know that I will always love you." I told her and tightened my grip on her and kissed her head. She had on green silk pajamas with monkeys and her hair was french braided back in a single braid with one cluster falling over her face. I tucked the hair behind her ear and kissed her nose. Her eyes fluttered open and she rubbed them letting out a small whine.

"Mommy?" She said wrapping her arms around me.

"No, she went to go get
food."I told her and she nodded.

"Hold me tight." She whispered putting her head where my heart is. I missed this but when she really wakes up I have a feeling she'll be mad at me once again.

"Are you embarrassed of me?" She whispers and I rubbed her back. I shook my head.

"No! Why would you say that? " I asked and she shrugged hugging me.

"That's why I have been mad at you. You promised that you would tell people but you haven't. Its like you don't want me."she said and then I remembered our conversation on the bus. How could I have forgotten that.

"I just want to keep you
safe." I told her and she nodded.

"I just don't want to hide under the cover anymore. " I nodded and sat her up to look at me.

"I promise that the next interview I will tell." I told her and she smiled and nodded.

"Hold me."she whispered and I felt her relax in my arms.

"Nap mama." She said and I stood up and walked back in my room and layed down with Lily in my arms.

"I miss Lea.." Lily said and I looked down pushing the hair behind her ear and kissing her nose.

"I know baby. You are so strong to gone through everything you have in life." I told her and she nodded.

"You know she loved uncle Chris right?" She asked me. I slowly nodded my head and thought about all the things they did. They were ment to be together, its just sad that that was taken away from them.

"I love you too mama. In some sense you make me feel safer than anyone ever has... even Lea" I snuggled closer and kissed the top of her head.

"Its the same for me with you. Its a different kind of love between a child and a mother. Even though your not mine by blood you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Now take a nap baby your sleepy." She nodded and turned around so she had her back to me. After I knew she was asleep I made sure everything was locked and stepped in the shower. As I let the warm water run down my body I thought about what life had in store for me. Will it be good? Will it be bad? The confessions of life only knows. You can take one breath at a time and enjoy every second that passes. Don't live in the past and dwell on the mistakes, because they only made you stronger. I got out of the shower and dressed in a black t-shirts and some red shorts. I ran my fingers threw my hair and put it in a messy wet bun.