Am I ready (Camren) Completed

chapter 25

Laurens pov.

They caught him they finally caught him and we can go home. Our management decided that they wanted us to tour in the summer so we canceled the tour for now. Lately I have been sleeping with one of the kids because the nightmares they have about the man coming back. I try to do everything I can to make them feel safe but lately that hasn't been enough. For example right now both girls wanted to sleep in bed with me . Camila tried to take Kaylee to put her to bed but Kaylee woke up and seen that she wasn't with me an freaked out. Camila tried to lay down with us but the girls latterly pulled away from her and closer to me. As for anything other than a hug or a small peck we havent had much physical contact. She's been keeping her distance from me to, She disappears after meals and takes longer showers. During the day she'll just disappear without saying a word.

Dinah agreed to watch the girls tonight and I thought that tonight it could be just the two of us. Camila said that she was going to take a nap so I quietly walked into our room. It was completely empty and there was no sign of Camila.

I guess this is one of those times she disappears . I sighed and walked down stairs to cuddle with the girls.

Camilas pov.

I need out of here. Kaylee wants Lauren so much more than she does me, and it starting to hurt. My own child doesn't want me around. Lauren hasn't said 10 words to me the past week and out alone time has been diminished. No one wants me around so why should I stay. Kaylee is in good hands with Lauren and Lauren would never notice how long I have been gone. I just think I'm at my breaking point, and I need to get out of here.

"Kaylee its time for a bath princess." I said picking her up. She rested her head in my neck and I hugged her tight.

"Where's mama?" She asked as we walked up the stairs.

"I don't know well find her after were done." I told her and she tried to wiggle out of my arms.

"No, I want mama." She said putting her hands on my chest pushing me.

"After you shower, you smell like a buffalo." I told her and chuckled but she started to hit me.

"Kaylee!" I said putting her down and grabbing her hands.

"You don't hit anyone you know that." I scolded her but she hit me again.

"I don't want you I want mama!" She yelled. I removed my hands from her and opened her bedroom door.

"Go to your room and don't you dare come out tell you are ready to apologize." I told her.

"I hate you." She said and went in her room. My heart shattered into a million pieces. She hates me. I am the worst mom in the world and a sorry wife.

"Just leave!" Kaylee yelled from her room. I wiped my tears away and walked in the bathroom. I reached in my makeup bag and pulled out an old friend that I havent seen in four years. ' I hate you'

'I need time'. 'I don't want you I want mama'. I looked down at the small silver blade and ran I across my wrist. 'Don't do it your worth something.' that's such a lie. I drag it across my skin over and over. One for my Daughter hating me, one for slapping Lauren, one for yelling at Lauren, one for hurting my family, one for not being enough, one for not wanting to be here. I cleaned my self up and disposed of the blade in the garbage. I can't stay here and continue to put everyone through hell. I waited tell everyone was asleep to leave. I Kissed Kaylees head and brushed her hair behind her ear.I pulled the cover over her and tucked the blanket around her. I walked into Lily's room and did the same.

"I know I said I wouldn't hurt you again. But I have to break the promise, I love you so much Monkey." I whispered and kissed her head. I closed her door and walked into the room that Lauren and I have. She was asleep holding onto a pillow that I placed between us so she could hold something. I sat down on the bed and tears ran down my face. If I even touch her she'll wake up, If I say a word she'll make me stay. So instead I stand up and take a mental picture. I slip out the door and quietly say good-bye to all the girls in there sleep. I don't take a car or any thing because I don't want to leave a trace of where I am going. I can't just run away to a different state because they will look for me, If I stay in the proximity of the area we live in they'll never find me.