The Bucket List

Chapter-19

Dear diary, 7:15 am Saturday.

Today I would be writing my last exam for semester one and would be ignoring Karan just the way I have been doing for the past few weeks, after our phone call session the other night.

He doesn't feel the same for me. It is clear.

After we hung up on each other that day, I was angry but the day after that I thought with an open mind. I'm just hurting myself. I deserve much better. I need to stand up for myself. I need to protect myself.

I started ignoring him thought it wouldn't hurt too much. But I was wrong. It did.

I sat through that uncomfortably ridiculous class we call 'communication' without my partner beside me on Thursday. We were given a project together and guess what someone dropped out of his elective classes.

I was angry so I ran out in fury. But more than that I was embarrassed in the class when I was told to work placed with someone else and they didn't actually require me.

I remember that day, Karan wanted to talk to me and ignored him; brushed past him just the way he did.

My hurt was concealed with my anger.

I tried calling grandmamma today, I wanted to listen to her soothing angelic voice but it straight away went to the deadline.

Finally, the bell rings. Placing my answer sheet on the desk I move out of the room. We are given one week off as post-exam leave and I'm grateful to the management for this unasked favor. I'm going to sleep through this entire week and do nothing except think clear. Which I'm unable to do lately.

"Mira!"

My feet move faster as I hear that voice. It's him again. He is coming towards me with his guitar case and is moving in my direction. Faster than me actually.

"Why are you ignoring me?" He says obstructing my way. How fast can he be? "I thought we were past this."

"I am not. I have work and I got to go." I try moving past him but he just won't budge. "You are creating a scene." He is completely unaware of the audience he has procured.

"I am creating a scene." He scoffs. "You're are the one who won't take my calls or answer my messages and you say I'm creating I scene. I am fucking pissed!"

"Don't shout at me."

"I am not."

"You were the one who started ignoring me first," I say in a low tone aware of the judgy eyes on both sides of the hallway.

"Yeah, then we talked and got it clear that we are best –

"To be honest I haven't yet got the clarity." I interrupt him. He is raising my fury. "You don't even want me. What do you want?"

"I want you. As my best friend. Why are you murdering what we have?"

"Best friend my ass. Best friends don't ditch each other."

"So this is about that night that I couldn't arrive?" he says. "I explained myself before you came over me."

I feel the urge to hit something really hard.

"Yeah, I get. I know it didn't matter to you much but it did a lot to me. I wanted to see you there looking at me. That would have been the most memorable moment. But rather you were busy with some other friend."

"Dhriti. She is Dhriti. She needed help. We had a little fight because she won't..."

Oh? He doesn't speak after that. She could have told me or Naina or...