Tired Thoughts

11 4 2
                                    

I lay on my side, watching a tear roll down the bridge of my nose,

Then another, and another, washing away

The concealer I'd so painstakingly applied.

Desolate, desperate, despondent, despairing,

Fomenting, fermenting,

I closed my eyes to no avail, found you lurking in every garret of my mind.

I cannot sleep these feelings away; you are the center of all visions, night and day.

I cannot say anything that I've not already said a thousand times before.

I cannot say anything that millions of others haven't already said.

These feelings are but a pain that I'm well used to, in no way new or strange to me,

And they came to be in the early era of humanity.

I always fall into thinking I'm just cursed to a life of sadness

Because of some personal deficiency of mine.

In the rare moments when I step out of my mind,

I see how idiotic, egocentric, it all is.

We humans are all the same in certain ways.

We repeat the mistakes of our ancestors, slaves to our own natures.

It should be comforting to know that in reality, I'm not all alone at all

In these experiences, these emotions.

And it is,

But I guess I'd always hoped

I'd be one of the blessed,

Different from the rest.

It's interesting, the way I spend so much time

Wishing to be like everyone else, to just be normal,

And yet I'm scared to be ordinary,

I want to be uniquely irreplaceable, unforgettable.

Just like the way everyone's attention makes me viscerally uncomfortable,

But without any, I feel invisible.

I want to blend in, I want to stand out, all at once.

And right now, I just want to sleep.

Please let me sleep.

NecropolisWhere stories live. Discover now