Love Me, Engineer ✅

Chapter Sixteen

Forgive him

Nanatili muna ako sa condo ni Ziv. Nananatiling sarado ang bibig ko kahit pa minsan ay may tinatanong siya sa akin. Ako na rin ang nagboluntaryo na hugasan ang aming pinagkainan upang makaiwas lang na makausap siya.

"Elle... Are you still mad at me?" tanong niya matapos sumunod sa akin nang patungo akong kusina niya.

Napahinto ang kamay ko sa pagsasabon sa plato bago bumuntong-hininga. Umiling lamang ako at muling ipinagpatuloy ang paghuhugas. Ramdam ko pa rin ang presensya niya sa likod ko kaya't pati sa kutsara ay ilang beses kong nasabon dahil sa kaba. I feel conscious when he's around and I know, it's not normal.

I stopped breathing. Literally hold my breath when I feel his arms around my waist.

And what made me stilled even more is when he hugged me tight and put his head between my neck and shoulder. I can't even move a single finger of mine because of what he did.

"Ziv.." I mumbled.

"Elle, please, let's make up. I can't stand when you're mad at me. Even you said that you've forgiven me, I still feel that you have some left anger towards me," malambing ang boses niya nang sabihin iyon. Parang hinihele ang kung ano sa akin dahilan para maramdaman ko ang kung anong umiikot sa loob ng tiyan ko.

"Alam mo naman pala e. Why are you still forcing me to forgive you?" Iwinaksi ko ang braso niya sa bewang ko.

Bahagya akong lumayo sa kaniya, kunwari'y magpupunas ng kamay pero ang totoo ay ayaw kong marinig niya ang tibok ng puso ko. Ayaw kong maramdaman niya na sa ginagawa niyang ito ay lalo lang akong nahuhulog sa kaniya. Nahuhulog na wala ng pag-asa na muli pang makabangon.

"You don't know how it pained me, Ziv. Don't act that you're not the one to push me away because the truth is, you said that we should ignore each other! Tell me, Ziv. Please, fucking explain to me. Why should I still forgive you when you told me to avoid you?! After that fucking mistake, that we two made, you suddenly acted like a fucking victim!" Huminga ako ng malalim dahil sa pagsigaw.

I saw how his lips parted by my sudden burst. My heart clenched when he said nothing. He just stared at me. He didn't even flinched. He didn't even make a move to comfort me. He just stood up.

"I tried ignoring you because I badly want to forget my feelings--"

"Don't... move on, Elle."

Natulala ako sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig sanihin nang sinabi niya. He looked straightly at my eyes. His gaze was like reading my deepest soul. The only thing I do is to looked away because I can feel that he will know how much I love him.

"Don't move on. I still figuring out my feelings," he said almost a whisper.

"What about my feelings?" Lagi na lang siya ang dap hintayin. Laging siya ang hinihintay ko. Minsan nakakapagod din. "Tingin mo, kaya kong maghintay sa'yo na malaman ang nararamdaman mo?! Tao ako! I get tired and exhausted!"

My tears flow like a wild river. Tuloy-tuloy kaya halos hindi ko na siya makita dahil punong-puno na ng luha ang mga mata ko.

"Just... wait," he said before walking away.

Leaving me wounded. He said, I should wait pero hanggang kailan?

__________

I can't focused in class. Ilang beses na akong natulala sa bintana habang nagkaklase ang guro namin. Hindi ako mapakali sa kakaisip sa sinabi ni Ziv kagabi.