𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 & 𝐂𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐒 | ON HOLD

ch. 35

[TW: this chapter has descriptions of self h*rm. please, and i cannot stress this enough, don't read if this could be triggering or unsettling for you! although it doesn't include bl**d or anything like that, i still don't want to potentially hurt anyone. please be safe, lovelies.]

felix had just gotten home, he dreaded having to go through the door and meet his parents, knowing they were going to see his face.

he heavily sighed, and walked through the door. he kept his head down, his hoodie doing little to cover his face.

"oh, you're home." felix's father said, "we're gonna order takeout for dinner tonight." he said, staring at his son who nodded.

"something wrong, son?" he asked, noticing how the boy was avoiding his eyes.

"mhm." felix forced out. "just had a bad day." he mumbled.

"did something happen?" mr. lee asked again.

"it's fine, dad." felix said quickly, walking up the stairs.

once he got to his bedroom, he locked the door and laid down on the bed.

a small whimper left his throat, and he muffled it by putting his head in his pillow.

he sobbed into his pillow, praying no one could hear him.

he glanced at the black lighter on his bedside table, sitting up straight he stared at it for a few long seconds that felt like hours.

he sighed and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke out through his window.

after he finished the cigarette and put it out in the empty pop can—which was filled with many other cigarette ashes and butts—he laid on his bed with a hazed mind.

he laid for about an hour, music blasting his eardrums out, as he flicked the lighter on and off every few minutes.

he glanced out his window, the wind making the curtains blow and the room become ever so chilly.

the sun was long gone, the moon taking it's place and making the sky a deep blue that almost looked black.

felix felt tears rolling down his faces again, and he stood up, going over to the window.

his arms shivered and he hugged himself in a weak attempt to warm up. he looked down at the lighter at his hands and quivered.

he glanced at his bedroom door, which was locked shut. he could hear his family all downstairs, they were quite loud that he could hear them through the floors.

he looked back down at the lighter.

⚠️

he flicked it on, staring at the hot flame. he slowly lifted his arm, and held it inches above the fire.

he could feel the heat slowly burn his arm, and he pulled his arm back.

felix closed his eyes, deeply inhaling and exhaling. he didn't open his eyes, but he held his arm not even a centimetre away from the lighter.

he deeply inhaled again, and flicked the lighter on.

he felt the flame on his skin, burning it and blistering it. but he held it there, refusing to move his arm even with much it fucking hurt.

he finally pulled his arm away from the flame when there was an abrupt knock on the glass next to him.

the blonde boy jumped back and fell onto the floor, groaning in pain.

the window opened and in crawled the one and only, han jisung.

felix stared up at the boy in fear. he was scared he was going to yell at him, or even worse, hit him.

the blonde watched as the brunettes eyes flickered between him and the lighter. he flinched when he slowly kneeled down in front of him.

even though he seemed so calm on the outside, felix could feel the fear radiating off of him.

the silence between them was awkward and heavy, unlike the usual comforting.

jisung didn't do anything but pulled the blonde into a tight hug, felix felt something wet land on his head and he looked up.

jisung was crying, and that made felix start crying too.

——

next few chapters will be pretty heavy :( it's okay if you want to skip it, as it talks abt sh and such. but there's no actual sh happening, i promise.

i don't want to be dramatic, but this is kinda abt my own experiences. please text me if you want to talk abt anything, i promise i'll listen. i love you guys <3.