One Million Tiny Things

Santa?

Dear Santa,
I'm Jacob, I hope you remember me from last year. I was the boy who wanted a new blue bicycle.
Wait
You probably get letters from lots of little boys who wanted blue bicycles.
Maybe this'll help, it had these bells that sound shring everytime it rings. Angelina, my big sister, thinks that it's annoying. But, then again she thinks a lot of things from mom's choclate cookies to me are annoying. How are chocolate cookies even annoying?

Anyway, putting it shortly, I'm the boy who wanted the bicycle with the bell. Do you remember me?

But, this year I don't want anything. I really had my eyes on a basketball hoop in this shop in town but now I've realised that there are much more valuable gifts.

I want honesty.

Who are you Santa?
Are you really an old kind man with a large white beard who sits up in the North Pole sleeping for 11 months and then wake up during the 12th?

Do you really judge everything we do. Mum says picking my nose in public will stop you sending gifts. Is that true?

What if I hide in the bathroom and pick my nose. Do you still see it?

Your eyesight must be awesome.

Is it weird to see so much everyday? What everyone is doing, every second of the day.... isn't it hard? If you ever need an assistant (*wink *wink) I'm here for you, Santa.

But, last week at career day, we were asked what we'd like to be when we grow up and when I said I'd like to be Santa's assistant, they all laughed; the teachers, the students even the parents. I don't know why.

Is it such a bad thing to want to help you. You do so much for us and in my opinion you have the funnest job ever! (Oh, another question, you're very old, aren't you? So you have an infinite amount of knowledge. Is funnest a word? Mrs. Gusty tells it's not. But, I think that funnest is the bestest word in the world.)

You know Santa, I don't even want to wait until I grow up, can I help you now? I'm very helpful. My hands are very tiny, mom always calls me to get things unstuck from behind the washing machine, I can wash all your small dishes (mom says I can't do plates yet), I can repeat the alphabet backwards (I can't do it forward but I'm trying to learn) and I can put on my shoes by myself (but I can't tie the laces)

We'll be the best of friends Santa, and I can be another little elf who helps you deliver all your presents. I'll do a very good job, I cross my heart and you know the rest. Mommy says I shouldn't say I hope to die.

By the way, Angelina told me last week that you don't exist. That it's mommy and daddy who bring the presents. That everybody is lying to me. Is that true? Is that why everybody laughed that day? Please tell me it's not true. It's wonderful to have somebody like you to brighten up December. I wait all year for my presents and if you didn't exist, I'd be heartbroken. Angelina is just being a grinch, right? She's always heartbroken since her boyfriend left so she doesn't understand or care how it will break my heart if you're not actually there.
Ooh ooh did I tell you Angelina got a boyfriend. He wasn't very nice, though. He used to call me punk. I didn't really like him. But then he left and Angie's always crying. Can you send a pile of coal to Matt? That's the big ugly boyfriend. Or a big stinky pile of cow dung? Maybe both

And and, can you send Angelina those flowery tissues that make everybody sneeze. She loves them. They used to be there at Costco but now they don't sell them anymore. But, I'm sure you've got them in the North Pole. Angie's always crying but the tissues make her smile a little. Please send a big packet this Christmas.

I don't want a lot this year but I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted honesty. Please, Santa, reply to my letter. Tell me your truly there and that you'll continue to send gifts. Angie was just being mean, right?

Lots of love,
Jacob

Ps. Can I really truly work for you?