One Million Tiny Things

Bestie

Hey bestie,
God that's so cringy. How did I never notice it before? Years of throwing it around made it just another worthless label we slapped on each other.  But do you remember a time,  years ago, when we were innocent and saw the world through clear pure eyes? When the label bestie held more value than gold. But I guess it lost its value with time like everything else, I mean look at how crypto is plummeting.

OK now your probably wondering why your "bestie" from 20 years ago is reaching out now. Let's start off here, I don't need money, I am doing very well for myself thank you, even though I don't just show up on CNB news for evening coffee and have it on the porch with my dogs instead. Nor, do I need a job at your fancy little "Heltech and blah blah", I am an awesome vet with very satisfied customers who just can't stop purring in content. Yeah guess I actually followed through with my childhood dream, although I often thought I wouldn't make it, unlike you. Doubt flying toy planes counts as aeronautical engineer, but you do you bestie.

Ooh talking about dreams remember when we wanted to adopt that Persian cat that the nice Nigerian Prince said he would give us if we just got our parents to cover his medical expenses. I can't believe I didn't speak to my mom for a month because they said no.  Anyway I've seen dozens now and they are really nothing special. Same with siberian huskies, I got her from a client who was moving to another country, they are cute and all until it's carpet cleaning day. Would you believe that I live with six dogs now? What a slap in the face to all those bitter ex's  of mine who said I will end up an old cat lady.

So many do you remember 's have been hitting me lately like the time we tried make watermelon juice without a blender, the time you fell into a stinky drain and ended up fully covered in sludge cause you tried to pull me in and failed, the time we let the neighbours dog drive the lawn mover which we weren't even supposed to touch, I haven't even thought back to most of it since you moved away but now it's all coming back.

I remember your favourite colour was pink and you didn't care what anyone thought of it, I wonder if you still as bold and opiniated, you probably are though to be able to run a company as big as yours. You've probably turned into that nightmare boss you see on TV shows.

I remember your quirky socks, that you love jalapeño but hate your mom's spicy meat loaf, all the tell tale signs from when you were lying to when you had a secret or new crush that you were hiding from me. I remember your mom and your cat and sweet old Roger. I can't forget your voice, your face or even your damn handwriting. I can't forget all the special moments and secrets we shared, how you were my partner in crime and the most caring bestfriend in the world. 20 years later and you are still haunting me.

Well to be specific it's not you, it's a ghost of your teenage self from before you moved. It's the boy I loved. A painful and heartbreaking love. But I can't blame you for what you didn't know. It's my fault for being a coward for thinking that it would mess up our friendship. 

I thought we had forever ahead of us, I never expected you to move halfway across the world just months after I realised that I liked you. My biggest fear at the point was that you would fall in love with me. Ironic I know. But see I had this whole plan worked out. I wanted everything.

So I pretended to have a crush on Jake Turner, Maggie's brother. I made a huge deal of it but in reality we never even dated, it was a charade we put on just to show his parents that he was straight. Either way I believed it benefited both parties.

Then I put stage 2 into motion and set you up with Page. She was a great girl but I knew for a fact she was going to Australia for college so I had a guarantee you guys wouldn't last, everyone knows long distance is a scam promoted by phone companies. I am beginning to see why most of our high-school hated me, I really invented the definition for conniving beep didn't I.

I thought we'd both go to our dream school and afterwards if everything worked out we'd graduate from veterinary and engineering colleges close to each other. Or even if it didn't work out we'd meet up somewhere after college and catch up again, everyone who watches Netflix on a regular basis knows who has the better chance between the childhood friend and college girlfriends.  I never factored childhood friend turned high school girlfriend who continued to be college girlfriend into that equation. Didn't ever think I had to.

Highschool was a nightmare senior year. It was mostly you and Page and me. See how that could be bad? Since Jake didn't go to our school and we didn't really have separate friend circles. That's when I wanted to hurt you and decided to go to prom with your soccer buddy Andy instead. While I was making petty little plans your world was falling apart.

Trust me when I say that not picking up the phone that Friday was the biggest regret of my life for the longest time, then I did dumber things when I became an adult. I didn't leave the phone anywhere, it was right next to me, I saw it ring over and over again and blatantly ignored it like the  childish brat I was. We didn't have school for a week because of study leave and I didn't think it odd that I didn't see you around at Finals either because we didn't really share too many classes and also me and Andy were really hitting it off. Anyway I'd kinda forgotten about the drama for a while with all the promposing, dress shopping and overall excitement for graduation.

It was at Prom that I noticed that Page had come all alone and that her red rimmed eyes poked through her immaculate make-up. You always had that talent didn't you. At first I thought you guys had broken up and I started searching for you all around fully ready to ditch Andy to comfort you. Andy was great and all, but he just wasn't you and I was beginning to kinda hate my plan and wanted to abort mission by this point because the heartache was too unbearable. My euphoria died down as quick as it erupted though because it didn't take long for the rumours that I'd managed to avoid for nearly two weeks to finally catch up. Now that I think about it maybe I heard it a couple times before but never really registered it because of the sheer absurdity.

But this time when Page's blonde friend, whose name I can't really remember came screeching, "OMG, he sent his love to you from half-way across the globe" it made my head spin. At first I tried to justify this bizarre situation by trying to believe that "he" was a new guy or some ancient ex. But then the girl next to me said something along the lines of, "Awww... Jeremy's so sweet. He didn't even have to do that they'll be meeting in two weeks" and cold cold realisation hit me straight in the face. The entire world was spinning and I'd lost all sense of being grounded. I felt as if I was falling continuously and without brakes into a never-ending abyss. Then I proceeded to puke all over my dear date and promptly fainted.  I don't really know to this day  if anyone caught me or if they just watched me crash to the ground like the friendless loser I am because everything went black mid fall.

Phew! We are done for this session. In case you didn't figure it out already genius this is part of my therapy program. I don't want to come here ever again so I'll try to wrap it up soon. I doubt it if you will ever even get these because I'm pretty sure it is a serious violation of the patient-confidentiality rights. But you know therapists are the grumpiest people on earth and are honestly the most in need of therapy.

Who knows, maybe next time you'll get to know why I'm in therapy, don't worry you don't get all the credit, you barely get any really it's just that it all links back to you according to her and this is the only for me to gain closure and move on with my life in a healthy manner. I have strong doubts about wherever she got her diploma from but I need to prove I'm mentally stable to a couple people who think I'm not and she's one of the most affordable, it's becoming more apparent why with every passing day.

Anyway Good bye until we meet again. Also in case you do recieve these letters I'd appreciate it if you did not read beyond this point or any at all if you started from the end of the first letter for some reason. Also do not reply to this or try to reach out to me in anyway because I need closure not rekindling of old ties. Also if possible refrain from sharing this information with anyone else because it is bad enough that you have to know it.

Regards,
Alessa.

P.S. Congrats on finally winning the divorce case against Page after 2 years of trials. Southern marraiges really are a pain aren't there.