One Million Tiny Things

Nerd

Hey Sean,
How ya doing?

OK fine, I'll start with the apologies first. I am really sorry about the whole "Nerd" thing last Friday. I'd say I didn't mean it, just for the fun of it, you know I always loved your snark but this time I'm going to blame it on something entirely different.

Peer pressure. Please don't roll your eyes and drop this letter. I have alot more to say. Well I had to get creative since you won't even look me in the eye anymore. You walk away whenever I even try approaching you and have most definitely barricaded all the windows to your house. Hey, don't judge, breaking and entering was a last resort. I tried your front door quite a couple times.

On a completely different context, what lies do you feed your butler, he looks at me like he just saw a mugshot of me in the morning paper every time I walk by. So obviously he won't let me in, he'd probably let vermin in sooner.

Anyway I really am sorry. Terribly so. You know I'm apologising for more than the "Nerd" thing right. Your hate is completely justified. I was, probably still am, acting worse than Miles Cyrus on drugs. Honestly, I'd hate me too if I was you. But I miss you so much. I really do.

I'll admit for a while it was fun. Exciting. We were always on the outside looking in so it was different like Cinderella going to the ball. But honestly the glitter and the velvet is just a cover. This is a dark dusty lonely world in here.

The haze finally cleared. Last Friday night. Once the damage was done. Clichè, I know. But it is true.

Please just talk with me, we can still talk right even if your mad. Just scream at me, curse. Something. Anything. The silence is killing me.

Look, Sean, we've been friends ever since I threw that snowball at you in elementary school. Please don't dump our friendship away because of the way I acted. You're all I've got. You're my designated driver, my homework buddy, my favourite ice cream stealer, my partner in crime and most importantly my best friend.

We used to spend lunchtime in the library because we wanted to hide but didn't want to be labeled as recluses. And as a plus we loved books. We'd curl up on two bean bags with books and share our lunch-boxes.
That's why we became best friends. Because we are so alike, you could practically imitate me, except for the fact that you are a boy. We adore books, choclate and staying at home.

When we were in there we'd look outside through the window and judge the people down in the cafeteria. We'd watch fights play out, hear all the secrets and rumours passed around and on boring days we made up stories for our classmates. We match-made random students and celebrated when they finally talked with each other. Remember that day we threw down that yoghurt onto James Hudson's head?

But there was a part of me that wanted to be included in those people who we made fun of. I wanted to be included in their secrets. I wanted to fit in with the popular crowd. And then after that dumb class project, I became friends with James. I finally got my chance to be one of the populars. And I took it.

But in becoming one of them, I lost me. I acted stupid, I died my hair bright pink and was every bit of the rebel I never though I'd ever become.

They made fun of the fact that we were friends. I was embarassed of you. I didn't realise that the only one I should of been embarrassed of was me and the way I was acting. You were just being you. Crazily unique with your bright blue beanies and the ever present novel in your hand. There was nothing humiliating in that.

I started an on and off relationship with that tool, James. I didn't recognize myself turning exactly into the kind of people we hated.
I turned you down after that to became best friends with Keeley. You couldn't stand her. Rightfully so, I'm pretty sure Keeley and James had a thing while we were dating. The nerve of those two.

I'm so sorry. For pushing you away, for insulting you and for not realizing what a gem I had for a bestie.

Please talk to me again. If you'd rather not see my face ever again, just reply to my letter. I'll keep writing you letters and bugging you at school until you do. Trust me, I'd rather hang out with you anyway than with those losers.

Awaiting your reply,
Liana.