One Million Tiny Things

Us

Dear Karlie,
I remember when we were smaller, I'd stare out my window and I'd see you.
I'm not a stalker, Karlie, but seeing you there made me feel so much better.
You always came to the park next door. The time or date never bothered you. You ran out there all the time in all clothes. In your jeans or shorts or sometimes in party dresses. You never cared.
There was always that one swing which was yours and nobody else from our neighborhood ever sat there after you pushed Jim from those swings. He complained to me after of a crazy girl who was in love with a swing. He didn't know that I waited by my window everyday just to see that crazy girl come by.

I never came out to speak to you. I don't know why. In my head we were best friends but actually going to talk to you scared me. What if you didn't like me? What if you had other friends and didn't think we'd ever be friends. I didn't know what to say to you so I guess I decided it was better to keep my mouth shut.

Then we became friends, best friends, after you threw that rock at my window and started screaming at me. You looked so pretty with your hair flying around you in a beautiful peach frock. I came down and we talked and surprisingly moments later we were buddies.

And we stayed that way through elementary all the way to high school. Sure, we weren't always in the same social group. Sure, I was popular while you hid in the back. But we really did get along better than anyone I knew. And whatever happened you still visited the park. It never mattered to you that at 17 you were considered too old to be on the swings. You just didn't care. I loved that.

And then came our senior year. We barely talked anymore. I was with that cheerleader- Rosalie, I think, and you spent more time with your books than with me. You told me that year that you liked me and that you hated seeing me with Rosalie. You said that was why you stopped coming around to my place.
I didn't get it back then, the hurt you felt seeing somebody you like with someone else. I told you I didn't like you that way. At the time I didn't realize that the only person I'd ever truly loved was you.

I'm sorry for being the reason we grew apart back then.

Rosalie broke up with me before we left for college. To make matters worse, I lost contact with you. You'd gotten a new phone and your number changed. Every time I came home, I'd look outside and see the empty swing. It broke me to realize that you'd probably never come back here.

I saw some of your college photos later, you looked really happy. You were surrounded by people and I realized you'd come out of your shell. I was happy for you but a part of me was sad that I hadn't been around to see it.
And in a way I kind of wanted to stuff you back in your shell. It had been just you and me earlier. Now you had all these friends and it made me feel unwanted.
You had your arm around some guy and I remember being unbelievably jealous for the first time. I didn't even know him but I wanted to punch him. Does that make sense? Was that how you felt about Rosalie?

Then that one Christmas holiday, you came back home and brought him along. What was his name? Kyle? Everybody thought that the two of you were so cute. Kyle and Karlie. Your parents loved him and he was really becoming part of the family. I hated it.
But what made me sick to my stomach was our timing. You had liked me but I hadn't realized I liked you yet. And when I finally did, you'd moved on with that douchebag.

Then you brought him along to the park. Our park. And I was even madder. You even let him sit on your swing. I watched from my window and hoped he would fall off. For a grown up, I was real mature, I know

But then we met again in the supermarket across the library. You bumped into me by mistake and almost didn't recognize me. We talked for hours that day. About everything. But there was one topic we avoided like the plague. Your confession of love. We also didn't talk about Kyle and you. I was so glad because if you'd brought him up, I might have thrown myself to the sea. And then I did something I'm proud of but at the same time am a little sorry for. Right when we were saying goodbye, I leaned in and kissed you.

I knew you were with that idiot but I needed to convince you that we were better. When we broke apart you looked like a deer caught in head lights before you bolted right out of there. I remember thinking I had made a colossal mistake that had cost me our friendship. But that night I woke to you throwing rocks at my window. Your hair was all over your face just like that night all those years ago. And just like that day you began screaming at me. I came down and somehow we ended up kissing.

It was the perfect movie ending and I was so happy. But, unlike the movies this was real life and Kyle wasn't about to move to Alaska. Pity really.

Hilariously, it all worked out,didn't it? Kyle ended up falling in love with Rosalie after the two of you broke up and we got our happy ending.

I know you remember all of this and your probably wondering why I bothered to write it all again.
Well, I want to tell you something. A love like ours only comes once in a lifetime, Karlie. Despite everything we went through, we always found our way back to each other and I think that that's fate. We are destined to be together because everything about us just fits together. We may be stark opposites but I love that about us. Nothing is ever boring when you're around.

I love you Karlie.

Remember when we were seniors in high school and you told me

"Love doesn't have a price, it requires nothing except for an exchange of what we already have. An exchange of our hearts"

I know I refused to give you my heart back then but now I'm laying it all out for you and I hope that you'll accept it.

Karlie, I have just two words for you but your answer could make or break a world for me, for us,

Marry me?

-Carter-