One Million Tiny Things

Hollywood

Dear Nick,
I can't say this out loud. People would stare at me weirdly. But don't you ever get sick of it?
The lights, the news, the stardom

It's harder than I thought it was going to be. In the beginning it was cheap fun, learning my lines and playing it out on stages. Then came the crowds. And I was happy with it. No, I loved it.

I loved all the attention, all the love that I got. People adored me and suddenly I was no longer me. It was like I became one of the people I acted. The glamorous smiles and the shining clothes weren't me, Nick. It took me so long to finally understand it.

When you told me that I'd never get rid of who I was, I was insulted. I hated you because your words took me back. 15 years of fame and that one statement made me back into the 17 year old village girl I was. But, I realize you never meant it as mocking. I was going too far. The guys, the drinking, the roles it was all too much for me. I was slowly forgetting who I used to be.

But, I don't want to forget her. I want to be the person I used to be. The simple girl who was happy with what she had. The happy girl who had real friends who talked with her not about her. I was close to my parents and practically glued to my sibling. And being who I am today, it's like I've already let her go.

I know we don't really know each other. When I heard of Nicholas Rider, I always thought of you as an arrogant jerk and when I first met you, you did nothing to prove my assumptions wrong. But, you managed to show yourself as more of an angel than the devil I thought you were. You brought out the old me. You awoke the young carefree girl I used to be.

You were over it. All the fame and fake smiles. You hid the true you behind a wall just like I used to. But, I think I'm right when I say that we broke each other's walls down.

That night in the carnival, it was my first time in a Ferris wheel after almost ten years. I didn't have to look pretty, I could have mud splattered all over me for all we cared. I didn't need the earrings or heels, you made me feel beautiful.

Thank you Nick! I can never tell you how thankful I am for your presence in my life. I'd call you the light of my life, but let's be honest, you were more like a match. You burned down everything I knew about myself to the ground. But instead of leaving me empty, you pushed yourself into my life.

I love you Nick. I'm sorry I never said it when you were in town. It took you leaving for me to realize that you were all I needed. I'm sorry to drop it onto you like this but I've got to tell you this. I'm so in love with you, I can see you in my dreams. And it's all I've ever wanted.
I hope you feel the same way Nick,

Love,
Dione