One Million Tiny Things

Money is a hindrance

Dear Andrew,
Dinner just started. I feel like an outsider. I know what you told me at the door. Chin up and act like I belong.

But I don't.

I never did.

I feel like a stranger watching a wonderful normal family having simple everyday dinner. Julie is laughing at something Kyle is saying at the far side of the table. The two of us, Kyle and I, the actual married couple, are seated on two opposite sides of the table. Doria is seated Kyle's left, their hands touching each time they reach for the food bowls, they exchange smiles, shake their heads and laugh. I'm watching it all, sipping on a wine glass that needs refilling all too soon.

The space between Kyle's side and mine is mostly empty except for the other two snakes that slithered into the room; Julian and Christine. I can see the two of them sitting right next to each other, not saying a word. Oh, I remember the days when I believed that. I even adviced Christine on saving her marriage. That was before I understood, not that I have really got it now, but I know that nobody here is who they seem to be.

The layers of masks, the double edged words, the lies, the insecurity, the secrets, the grey areas, its all in there.

Julian and Christine are more like buisness partners than a married couple. They are loyal to the utmost degree, not in live necessarily but at least in life. They work for the same common goal, money.

You can't speak to Julian without Christine knowing or vice versa. They might be enemies or lovers, it doesn't make sense for them to be married.

But they are.

And right now, they are doing a hell of a lot better than Kyle and I.

They say it ain't nice to judge, but even you see what Doria is so clearly upto. She can't stand the fact that she never left any damage; the hearts she broke, the plans she wrecked, even the window she threw that vase through, it's all fixed and covered up.

By me.

She can't believe that after all the drama and chaos she left in her wake, the Girby mansion is still as spotless and impressive as it was when she first arrived.

I took the broken parts and put everything back together. Everybody called me the gold-digger, sniffing around for the money. But, is it a gold-digger, if there isn't any gold when you're done digging? If it weren't for me, Kyle, would have been an always hung-over money-swindler. And her children, they'd tie the noose around Kyle's neck without so much as blinking if they ever wanted the money.

What did I ever get in return?
Pren-ups and no shares in his so-called company. I gave up my job to move down here with him. I've gone from sitting at a desk at offices to a fancy party planner for people who're all a little twisted. And the worst part is I don't even get paid for this.

He's rich, I know but all money ever proved to be is a hindrance. If we'd been a normal family, me and Kyle. A married couple down in Tennesse without much cash, maybe we'd be happier. She'd never come back, that's for sure. And maybe, just maybe, we'd still be in love.

Is it wrong of me to just wish they'll just disppear?
Doria, Julia and Julian.

That a cartoon cloud of smoke would just swallow them up, and I wouldn't need to care. Maybe it's not fair but life proved to be unfair a long time ago.

I'm gulping down the wine by now. It's getting late. I'm tired, my head pounding, each and every small noise is leaving me reeling.

As the hands go around the clock, my words start slurring into the next. I'm swaying in my seat but as glass after glass goes down my throat, my head begins to feel clearer than it ever has.

Who cares?

About Doria and her stupid family. Kyle is mine now and everyone else can go to hell. Right?

Did you call Tim around because he just entered. He's heading this way. Towards me.

Why is Doria smirking at me. Did I tell you that she wrote me a letter where that witch insinuated that I was having an affair with Tim. Tim, of all people, even if I wasn't in a happy marriage, me and Tim wouldn't have ever dated. No offense, you've raised a wonderful son, but he's more like a brother to me than a lover.

Me and Tim.

God, I can't stop cracking up.

Julia just winked at me. I swear she winked. If she pulls out another knife on me in this lifetime or the next, I'll burn her up alive.

Yeah, I probably won't.

I'll stutter and shake and make a fool of myself.
But, then again, I am pretty drunk and everybody knows I can't hold my liquor, drama is going to unfold and I'm going to be front and center.

Julia is calling me asking me to go outside. That Tim wants to talk to me. I don't want to go. Mainly because I highly doubt if I can put one foot in front of the other without falling on my face. Me and heels have never had the best relationship.

Why?

Why do I have to go?

.....