One Million Tiny Things

Death can't drag me apart from you

Cucoo,
I read somewhere that a letter is a good way to go somewhere, without moving anything but your heart.
Well, it's ironic really but by the time you read this letter, everything but my heart would have moved on. But, coo, whatever happens and wherever I go my heart will always remain with you.

They say that blood binds people stronger than anything. And that's true. I can't imagine ever finding anybody I'll love more than you. With my situation, I probably won't. But each night, I hope and pray that you will find someone to fill your heart's desire, hold you when you need it and be the Prince Charming we stayed up till midnight talking about.
And I promise you if he doesn't, my ghost will haunt the shit out of him. He had better treat you as the queen you are or he'll have me to deal with.

I'm sorry coo. Maybe I should have tried to fight it. Maybe I didn't do my best. But illness is a part of life and if I have to succumb to death, I don't mind it. But my matyr soul won't stop me from admitting that I am scared, so scared of what's awaiting me on the other side. I don't know if I can do it, if I can let it all go. You guys, my family, mean too much for me to leave.I stay up some nights with my eyes on the hospital ceiling and I'm ashamed to admit that tears streak down my face when I imagine a life without all of you.

I know you feel the same way. You've told me a billion times that you'll miss me. That if I go, a part of you will disappear. You tried everything. You even hit Dr. Jire with his clipboard when he admitted that there was nothing that could be done. You still searched every book, every Web page. You did everything you could. And I'm sorry that cancer has no cure. I'm sorry that this is how our epic ballad ended.

When people asked me about my dream in life, I was always left confused. I would have said that I didn't know but deep down in my heart everything I wanted was crystal clear. The only thing worth doing my whole life, is spending it with you. There's a reason why you got me as a sister.
I know I've been the most annoying little sister you know. I listen in on your conversations, steal your phone, sleep on top of you when I'm convinced there's a monster in my bed, borrow your clothes and sometimes forget to give them back, come running to you when I don't understand how to do my homework. But, all these years, you tolerated it. You dealt with my idiotic ass because you loved me. And I loved you. Coo, I love you more than anything and everything. Not even death could drag me apart from you.

I always believed that through some miracle we'd get through this, but I didn't recognize the miracle was my life with you. God gave me an angel to guard and protect me. And coo, you did your job well.

If I could, I'd take your hand and run out past these hospital walls without looking back. We'd move to Miami and live on the beach. I wouldn't disappear and we'd be together always and forever. But, I can't.

So, I'll ask you to do the next best thing. Live life for the two of us. I'll always be next to you, coo. When you graduate, if you marry, if you have kids, I'll always be watching. Eventhough we won't be together, I'm always near you. Just like I used to follow you to the bathroom because I was much too afraid to stay in our room alone while you went. I'll follow you anywhere.

And trust me when I say that it's fine for you to eventually forget me. I don't want you to remember my birthday every year. I don't want you to cry everytime our memories come up. Because we were a crazy duo, but we were never sad, not when we were together. So please, coo, remember me for who I was when I was alive, not for the dead girl you'll never meet again. Don't cry for me, just promise me that if you have kids someday tell them who I was when they point to the pictures. Tell them our story and raise them like we were.

Coo, look after mum and dad, I'll always love them. They raised me, they made me who I am, they deserve the world. And someday, even if I'm not around to share your problems, care for them. I know you probably love them even more than I do, but never forget it.

We were always together, weren't we. It's going to be weird hanging around wherever I go to without you. But, we'll always be in each other's hearts and that's all that matters to me.
Expect my ghost at your future wedding and if a glass of water drops on your future husband, it's from me as a warning to treat you right.

My heart rests with you,
Robin.