One step at a time

15

Melissa Newman

I left the hospital  3 hours ago after I had a blood transfusion I was set to go, I walked past Tony's mother's room and saw them all in there waiting, watching, hoping. I couldn't intrude, These boys had made a friendship that was built for just them so instead of walking in I turned around and made my way outside, Blake stopped by my room before I left and asked me if I could join them I said yes without even thinking of it, I was the intruder this time, I was the unwanted one there. I was only there because Blake wanted me there. I held nothing to their friends so why should I stick around them, I wasn't needed, I created the heartbreak that started the friendship I was the woman who had broken Blake. I heard the story's, I had seen how much Blake had changed. I changed him he should hate me, Never want to be around me, and pretend I don't exist. I knew I would If I was in his shoes. I would hate myself for putting me through that pain, But me being me I would let him it would be easier. I didn't want him to find out, I didn't want to lose him but I had lied to him, I lied to everyone, My family has to stick around they are forced to as my family but Blake he could leave and never come back and I would prefer it like that.

I have always had these spells of depression since I was 11 years old I knew I had depression, I kept a lot of things from my family including Lee and he was the same age as me, He walked next to me, He saw some things but as time went on it got worse, I started starving myself just to please others. He was ashamed of me and I guess that was the real reason I didn't tell him about my cancer I didn't want to give him another reason to be ashamed of me. Maybe it was best if I left again I wouldn't know where to go but anywhere is better than here. A thought had been in my head for a while and it would be best I wouldn't have to fail all the time, I would set them all free, I wouldn't have to hurt anyone anymore.

So when I got home I did the one thing I knew would be right, As a cancer patient, you have a lot of pills, Pills that would and can kill you if you take enough of them and that's what I did. I waited for the pills to take effect. And soon my eyes were closing for the last time.