One step at a time

24

Melissa Newman

Tonight was the night, Friday night to be exact. The night I have been waiting for my whole life. My first date with Blake. My hands were clammy and my stomach held butterflies I was the most nervous I had ever been. It was like I was living for this moment. My whole life lead to this day. I was currently pacing the room Blake was picking me up at 7 pm it was currently 6 pm and I had no idea what to wear I was a nervous mess I even thought about backing out, twice. That's how nervous I was and to make it worse Lee was just sitting on my bed watching and laughing as I go mad.

"I don't know why your so nervous this is Blake that we're talking about it's not like it's some stranger you meet at a bar" Lee was somewhat correct yes I knew Blake I have known him my whole life which makes this situation a whole lot scarier. We knew each other we were best friends we knew everything about each other so the getting to know one another stage was already out. Blake was current in most of my embarrassing memories. He was there when I use to piss the bed once he was in the bed with me. I tried the whole breathing in and out but it didn't help. I was running out of time I sat down on the floor in just my undergarments and begun rocking. Martin walked into the room watching me as I rocked. "Mel it's not going to be that bad the way you've been acting all day is like Blake is going to blow you up or something" Martin sat next to Lee as they smiled at each other. I had a feeling that Martin held some kind of feelings for Lee but I couldn't confirm that. I couldn't confirm anything.

"I don't even know why I agreed to this or why I kissed him when in the end all I'm going to do is hurt him I mean he doesn't even know I'm sick yet I'm going on a date with him what is wrong with me? Can someone please knock some sense into me" I pleaded with both of them. "You deserve every happiness you can get Lissa, You don't know when your time is up and while your on your death bed you don't want to be thinking of the what-ifs do you?" Lee had a point but I had hoped that maybe he would try and talk me out of this date not into it. I looked at Martin. "He's right Mel you deserve everything that comes to you after everything you've been through you deserve the world and more that's a fact" So I was the only one who thought this was a bad idea.

The time was crawling closer and closer. "Wear this" Martin grabbed something out of my closet and I smiled at the dress he chose. It was the last thing Noah brought me and he knew that. It was like I was taking a piece of Noah with me on this new journey I was about to take. "It's perfect" I smiled as I pulled it over my body looking at myself in the mirror. I have 10 minutes to find some shoes to wear that go with this dress plus and handbag so help. The doorbell rang at that moment and I started to panic. "Lee go down there and stall him Mar help me find shoes no boots and ill grab a black handbag" Everyone ran to do the tasks they were given well I was trying to calm myself down it was too late to back out now. I had worked myself up so much that I couldn't calm myself down not even with the breathing exercises I got given for my anger issues well anger management courses but that's just the fancy word for it.

"Mel calm down everything is going to be alright" I was hyperventilating which wasn't helping the situation. I locked myself in my walk-in wardrobe. I don't know what was wrong with me I had been on dates before why was this any different. I heard voices outside the door. "What's wrong with her?" I could notice Blakes's voice in a crowd with thousands of people but right now I didn't want to hear it. "She's having a panic attack shes had them before but they've never been this bad" Martin's voice was laced with worry. "It started small then got bigger when you rang the doorbell" Martin's voice went up an octave which meant that he was really worried while I was slowly running out of breath trying to focus and calm down. "Wait the whole thing I was laughing at was a panic attack" Lee asked. He had no idea that I suffered from panic attacks I always had them when he was not around and when he was I left the room not wanting him to see me like that.

"She had them before she left I've seen a couple of them" They were having a conversation that I zoned out on I was more focused on trying not to pass out. "M open the door please" Blake's soothing voice boomed through the door. "Please I don't care if you are not ready just open the door" I slowly unlocked the door from the inside. "Only you no one else" I spoke quietly but loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. "I'm sorry I ruined our first date" I said in between breaths struggling a bit. "Let's just say that this is a hiccup" He laughed at the end of his sentence. He had no idea what his laugh did to me. "Now tell me why you are having a panic attack" He asked as he gently rolled his fingers through my hair knowing that it would help me. "Honestly, This date. I have been waiting my whole life for this and it just freaked me out" I knew it sounded stupid but it was how I felt.

10 minutes later Blake had successfully calmed me down and I slowly stood up and walked out of the closet I locked myself into. "I'm sorry" I whispered to Martin and my brother they both smiled at me as Blake took my hand in his and led me out the door to start our date. A blindfold was put over my eyes so I couldn't see and would have to count on my other senses to guide me. I hoped we hadn't missed our reservations if we did I would fell really guilty. "I didn't know where to take you on our first date of hopefully many so I took you to the one place we both poured our heart out to each other, I took you to our special place" As the blindfold was lifted over my eyes our tree came into view and I laughed. "You had to blindfold me for this? Blake I have been here many times you should know this already" I giggled at the end. "This will always be our special place and I wanted to make this special so what could be better" I smiled kind of grateful he didn't take me to a fancy restraint.

"The date hasn't even started and I already feel like the most special girl in the universe" A song started playing, It was the playlist that Blake had made for us on our first day of high school. We danced until our feet were sore before we finally sat down on top of the beat up tree-hut probably wasn't a good idea but we did anyway. I had just noticed the basket that Blake had in his hands and wondered where it came from but I didn't ask I was just happy to be here, Happy that I got to experience all of this. "M I know we both ignored our feelings for each other for a long time and I think that was because right now is our moment this is where our lives together start would you make me the happiest guy on earth by becoming my boyfriend" He said those words and I just froze.