One step at a time

36

Bradly Newman

As Lissa played the song that she had been quietly singing to herself, It made sense. I understood now. She didn't want to leave me, That was the first thought that came into my head when I heard her singing but listening to the whole song I understood her a lot more. She didn't want to leave she was just fed up and plainly tired of life. I knew that this song was going to be on repeat for a while. I had been so focused on how I felt I didn't even consider what must be running through her head. I was hurting but it was nothing compared to her. I get to watch her but she has to live through it.

My eyes looked at the phone she had given me for my birthday, She said there were videos and even though I'm not ready to watch them I know one day I will. I looked at Martin a smile automatically reaching my face. She had brought the brightness into my life without even realizing it. He was my sunshine, He was my light and I knew that I was slowly falling in love with him. I knew everyone would know my feelings it wasn't hard to spot but at the same time I was confused, I never thought of myself as gay. I know quite a few gay people I always embraced them for their courage but could I go through the things they go through every day.

I shook my head, It was my birthday it would be great if I could have one day without these thoughts running through my head. I looked over at Blake. Him and Lissa must of made up somehow. He had been trying for weeks to get my sister to even speak to him but with no luck she let him sit there but as soon as he said something she would ask him to leave, They belong together but he fucked up that's something he has to live with. Megan and myself have become quite close lately. She truly cared for Lissa our whole group does, Cassey and Lissa's relationship always surprises me, I forget that he knew her at a time when she was at her lowest, He's used to seeing her like this yet he still cries himself to sleep at night. The thought of losing her hits him deeply, He sees her as his sister and in a way it's true they have a connection I would never have with Melissa but at the same time I have a connection with her that he would never have. If anything were all like one big family.

Jamie is the quietest one out of all of us but he cares deeply for Melissa, She has a whole army behind her and doesn't even realize. Even Melody asks me from time to time how Melissa is. I know deep down Melody is sorry for the way she treated Lissa, She was driven by her jealousy. Lissa had the power to take me but in the end Melody was the one who blew our relationship up, I don't even talk to my old friends anymore. The whole town is now aware of why Melissa left yet nobody blamed her. Sometimes she was so naïve. The amount of comments I get daily about my sister is astonishing but at the same time not surprising. People loved her back then yet she didn't notice.

My sister was book smart not street smart and sometimes I felt sorry for her because half of the time she didn't know or understand what people were saying or how people felt about her. She was like the glue that held this whole town together she didn't know it but when she left she broke this town. When people found out she was back it was like our town was back together. She always went out of her way to make sure everyone was okay, She helped those in need yet she didn't realize the effect that she had on everyone. I never really thanked her for coming back, I never thanked her for staying this time. There were a lot of things I needed to thank my sister for but my pride won't let me but I know one day I will thank her.

Everyone was finished with their lunch and making their way back to the water in the end it was just me and Lissa. "Go for a swim Lee I'm going to have a nap I will be okay" She smiled once again and I never realized how thankful I am to have her in my life. "What's wrong Lee? You look like your going to cry" I shook my head. "Nothing I just can't believe I was blessed with the best sister anyone could ask for" She laughed literally laughed, "I bet everyone says that about their siblings" She was snorting now. "Go to sleep you pig" We both started laughing. Mum brought out a pillow and blanket for Lissa,

I refused to leave until I knew she was asleep. Once she was I made my way to the water. "What did you say to make her forgive you?" Megan asked Blake and we were all curious about the answer to this. "She just said that it was taking too much energy to hate me but I know we will never get back to how we were I fucked that up real bad" He had a sad smile plastered on his face. "Noah did as well and look where that took them" Casey said next to me. We all had confused looks on our faces well except Martin. "He blew up on her because she was nice to someone who was flirting with her and we all know Melissa she doesn't even know when someone is flirting with her well Noah didn't know that information at the time and she walked into his room while he was sleeping with someone else they didn't get that far yet but she didn't talk to him for 7 months count yourself lucky according to Noah it was pure torcher" Casey finished the story and I knew first hand if Melissa wanted to hold a grudge she would.

"remember when you stayed at the centre for a couple of nights and we all sneaked into the cafeteria and ate all the jello and ice cream" Martin said as we all laughed and the conversation just flowed. I looked up to Lissa. Mum was stroking her hair looking down at our angel. The strongest person I knew.