One step at a time

43

Melissa Newman

The room was dull there was no light and it was filled with nothing but darkness, I tried to reach for the light but no matter what I did it just wouldn't turn on. I felt the strongest I have ever felt yet I couldn't turn the light on my fingers kept slipping. "Babe no matter how hard you try they will never turn on" I knew that voice. That voice was so familiar it still brought butterflies to my stomach. The lights turned on and that voice had disappeared, There was a doctor in the room looking at what looked like a lifeless body, One look was all it took for me to realize that the person sitting in that bed was myself but I didn't understand? I was standing right here yet nobody could see me. I could see Lee, My parents, Blake, Casey, and Megan yet they couldn't see me. I was invisible to them. "She could be brain dead" Blake said for everyone yet I was standing right here right in front of them. "How would we know?" Blake laughed at the minor question. "We won't" Blake replied.

"Told you it wouldn't work" The voice was back. I must be hearing things again maybe I missed him so much that I was hearing things, I wanted that last hug so much that I was hallucinating his voice. A frown was evident on my face. "I'm right here, I'm behind you Melissa" I turned around and came face to face with the owner of that voice. "N-Noah?" I asked just to be sure because who knows where I was maybe I was dead after all. "hey baby girl miss me?" A giggle escaped my lips. That was Noah's signature motto every time he saw me this was the first thing to leave his lips. "I'm dead seeing you just conforms it" A large sigh came out of my mouth. "You're not dead but you're not alive at the same time, You're in the space between some of us are lucky we get to choose and it's up to you whether you want to return or not" Noah smiled but it just made me very confused. "Some of us get to choose which meant you chose to die, You chose to leave me" A tear escaped, Once again I was crying over Noah. "I knew if I chose to live you would never go back and see your family, You would never get to see Blake again and you would never have meet half of these people I knew if I had stayed I would have given you a life yes but not a full one" I looked at Noah confused again.

"I chose to die not just because of you but also because of a person I never told you about" A girl who looked the same age as both of us walked into the hospital room. "This is Angie she was my first and only love, I never fully loved you Melissa not because of anything you did or said but because my heart belonged to someone else, I was the one who settled because I knew if I didn't have you I would go my whole life without someone" The girl was beautiful but this situation broke my heart more then when he had died. "So everything you told me was a lie?" I silent tears made their way out of my eyes. "Yes and I didn't lose my virginity to you but I took yours and I'm sorry" I looked at Angie sighing. "How did you die if you're here you must be dead" I wanted to hate her I really did but I don't think I can. I've never hated anyone in my life. I dislike a lot of people but hate is a strong word. "I was murdered someone wanted money from my family they never got it so they took my life as payment" She smiled. I hate to admit it but she was really pretty. Casey came into view. "Does he know?" I asked Noah. My heart was breaking bit by bit I didn't know if I could go back.

"He knew of Angie but he also believed that I loved you, I treated you how anyone should treat their girlfriend because you were we just weren't meant to be but I didn't love you Casey saw what he wanted to see he was stuck in an illusion I gave him I made him believe that I loved you because I wanted it to be real I wanted it to be true I wanted to love you but my heart wouldn't let me I cared for you but that was all" Noah was being blunt he was treating me like he treated everyone else. He was cold and distant I had refused to see it before because I had only witnessed the happy Noah the free-going Noah. I looked at Blake and smiled, "So this is Blake" Noah looked at him and smiled, "Yeah that's my Blakey" Blake hated the name but I had always called him that.

"I'm guessing this is your twin brother the one who is always praying to me" I laughed at that. "Actually they've all prayed to me at one time or another and I never felt like I deserved it" Now that I knew the truth there was no way they would pray to him again if I ever told them. "I need you to take something back with you It's a note give it to Case please" I didn't even know that it was possible. "And tell them about this I know that everything I'm saying is hurting you Melissa but you have to understand and one day you will" I looked at him one more time before I jumped into the body that was my own. I was choosing life not because of what he said but because of me. I wanted this life. I held his letter in my hand tight as if I don't it would float away"