One step at a time

17

Melissa Newman

"You know I can see right through all the smiles and the fake laughing" I looked at the owner of the voice. Out of everyone to see through all my crap it had to be him. "You know he would hate that you do this to yourself" His stare was so fixed on me that I had to look down. "I remember when he proposed to you, I knew who you were yet you didn't know anything about me but my name, You didn't have a clue who I was and who I was connected to" I tried to not let it get to me. "I will never tell him it's not my place to I just want you to know that" I was grateful he was keeping my secret even though he didn't need to. "Thank you Casey" I smiled a genuine smile this time. "You are not to blame for my cousin's death you know, It's not your fault he died it was just a shame that it happened when it did" Casey looked at me with unshed tears that were ready to leave his eyes.

"If I had known you were connected to Blake I don't think I would have ended up with Noah I would have run" That was my superpower these days running when things got hard. "I know which is why I didn't mention it" Casey was a friend in the hospital he came almost every weekend to see Noah which meant I was never far behind and soon enough he came to see both of us, We became friends almost immediately but when Noah died I cut off ties with everyone who was connected to him I had cut off everyone except Martin. "Noah would hate to see you like this Melly you know he would tell you to stop all this it's not healthy I should know more than anyone" There were a lot of things I knew about Casey and he knew a lot about me. "We both went down a rough path when he passed I lost a cousin but at least I didn't watch him die, I didn't know you were there, I could see the signs of depression in you and I expected it but I didn't think it was this bad I can't lose you, Melly, I just can't" Casey was crying on my shoulder. "I will try Casey but I can't make any promises" That was the truth, I was being truthful with him I always had.

"You use to be so happy it hurts to see you like this you may not know this but you are one of my best friends that didn't stop because you wanted nothing to do with me" I hugged him it was what we both needed. "You were one of mine but I'm better at pushing people away more than keeping them around it's easier that way" I leaned my head on his shoulders. We may have experienced different things but we were fighting the same battle. "Blake knows that Noah is my cousin but he didn't know he was sick he ironically thinks Noah went to boarding school" I laughed. "It's funny how all of us sick ones use boarding school as an excuse" Truthfully it was better than saying I was in the hospital because I had cancer and was fighting for my life. "I remember once I came to visit and you refused to let me in your room because it was one of your bad days" I had tried so hard to lock the door but I had little to no energy and didn't get there in time. I had blood all over me because I was throwing up my blood. "I hated that you saw me like that you shouldn't of" We were hugging by this point.

"I think you made the right choice by leaving". "At least someone understands". "I only understand because I saw you, I watched you fight and you are right they would have never been able to stick around they would have run they didn't know what it's like it would have overwhelmed them" I liked the fact that I could be myself around Casey. "I missed this" I spoke my mind. "Aw you missed me" I laughed. "I think your brother has a crush on Martin" People were starting to pick this up. "I had known a couple of weeks ago I know my brother but I also know that he's scared" He had never felt any kind of way for a man before and it terrified him. "You should consider telling Blake" That was the one thing everyone had told me, I couldn't do that to him.

"He loves you Melly it truly hurt him when he found out you had a fiancé" I knew it would which was why I didn't want any of them to know. "Some secrets if not all come to the surface at one point or another" That was the last thing Casey said to me as he walked out of the room.

-1 week skip-

"I think you should graduate you have enough credits to I think you need time to yourself" Lee had said as soon as he walked into my room. "School is the only freedom I have Lee if it wasn't for school this would have happened a long time ago and I know that you know that" He slouched in the seat next to me. "Why didn't you tell me about Noah" I knew this subject had saddened him. "Because then I would have to admit to myself that he's dead I would have to face the pain I have been ignoring, I would need to admit defeat and give myself the time for grief but I wasn't ready to do that I don't think I would ever be ready for that" It was the truth I had been truthful today. "The truth hurts but in the end, it sets you free don't ignore it, Lissa, your only hurting yourself" I looked out the window once again I didn't know how much time had passed but when I looked back I was faced with all of my friends in the room. I smiled at Casey as he sat down on the floor.

"Thank you for saving my mother she's pressing charges against Dave, you don't need to go into court your pictures the police took plus your statement was enough to convict him for your case, My mother not so much" That was the last thing I needed. "Your welcome" Tony was a weird being. "So you two knew of each other before you came back?" Blake asked directing the conversation towards Casey and Myself. "We had talked on the phone a couple of times but I didn't know that Melissa that was dating my cousin was the same Melissa who ran from here when I meet her she looked so different" Casey had said. I knew it would only take time for Blake to put it all together he just needed time. "I had lost a lot of weight due to all the activity's we had to do I was skinner than I am now and was unrecognizable even unhealthy I starved myself because of the shit I faced here and the more time that went on the more I forgot to eat and it just happened" Majority of the room knew that was a lie but went with it anyway.

"You were skinner then you are now? Geez girl we need to put some meat on you" Tony yelled across the room. I had another week of suicide watch left then I would be able to go home and go to my normal routine. "I wonder how much shit I will get when I get back to school" I practically laughed. "Uh everyone thinks you two are on holiday" My parents couldn't be with me 24/7 so Lee was forced to stick to me all the time and watch me like a hawk so he hadn't been to school since I had been here. Nobody knew that Martin lived with us everyone thought he was just a close friend. He had been riding with Blake and the others taking my seat in the car which caused an argument but once I told them I asked they all calmed down quite quickly. "It's funny I forget how long we have known you Melissa and the way we act you would think we'd been friends since diapers," Tony said randomly. "I love you guys just as much as the rest of the people in this room I thought I was an intruder with you guys before which was my trigger sorry to say" Tony gave me this bazaar look. "This bitch how can you say something like that? Ever since we became friends with Blake we knew you would come with us we always knew that, We would ask Blake questions about you so when you arrived it felt like we already knew you" That caused a whole heap of arguments but I wasn't apart of them because after that I fell asleep without even realizing that I had until I woke up the next morning.