In Shadows We Rise

Chapter 15

Xander

He's getting restless. 2 tests in two days, and it's too fast. He wants it to be over. He wants her to be here, to stay for good or be gone, he doesn't like this uncertainly.

We are mad at him. He shouldn't have given her that easy way out today, even though the rest of us would've passed out a lot earlier. It contradicts the whole test. If it ever came down to it, her captors wouldn't care that other people could handle less pain. Atticus argued that Rei was barely awake and therefore couldn't have stopped the test if she wanted to.

I know that he simply didn't want to see her torture going on any longer. He had been pissed all day and barely held it together when Sorin burned Rei in the first part of the test. As soon as she was strapped in the chair I could feel the regret, uncertainty, and discomfort radiating from him. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was hoping she wouldn't agree to go on after she answered my question. She had a point, technically. We, or more precisely our leader, want her to stay so if she had refused, we might have had to find another way. I'm afraid Atticus would have agreed to change the terms for her and I don't like it one bit.

I'm starting to feel conflicted. On one hand, this family is everything to me and I'd give my life to protect them. I want Reia to be part of this, to experience this too because I can feel she's like us. Alone in the world. On the other hand, I don't trust her. It's hard to see her as just another teenager when I can feel death looming over her at all times. It's hard to remember this was no choice of hers when she acts so casual about it.

This whole thing is a mess and I get the feeling tomorrow will make it worse.