In Shadows We Rise

Chapter 62

Reia

Two days later and we've figured out our plan to the last detail and have published and spread the news of the challenge all over the nation. We haven't heard back from the governors, not that that was expected, but we're getting ready to move out to the red desert tomorrow. That's the place we settled on for the battle. It seems poetic the remaining two governors should die where Ianira did. We told the governors to meet us there at dawn in two days and that's when we'll be ready. If they decide not to come? Well, then we'll have to freestyle.

Despite the circumstances, the mood amongst the rebels seems lighter than it has in a long time. I've stopped trying to ice them out. It seems childish when these could be our last days alive. Atticus has stayed true to his word, not trying to make a move on me romantically. Still, after the first night I slept in his arms I asked him to stay with me again. We've been sharing a bed ever since but nothing happened. That's leaving me stupidly wishing for more.

I can't bring myself to make a move though. Not after I've given him that stupid speech about never being his again. Whatever, I'll take what I can get.

I've finally apologized to Naiara last night. She was quick to forgive me, a lot quicker than I deserved.

"You alright?" Atticus asks. We're at a restaurant, celebrating our last night in Durgoda for who knows how long. Maybe forever. I know it sounds pessimistic and I'm trying to stop it but I can't help but feel like this is goodbye. Like this is the last time we'll be together this way.

I consider telling Atticus that I'm fine but in the name of moving forward, I decide to be honest. "I'm scared, A." Instead of answering, he stares at me. "What? I'm just kidding," I mumble and look away from his searching eyes.

"No, you're not. And that's fine, we're all scared. I was just," he trails off so I force myself to meet his gaze again. I'm not proud of how vulnerable simply talking to him makes me feel. "You've never called me A before," he says.

"Oh, right." I chuckle. "Sorry. It's what your family calls you"

"Fuck no! I like it better when you say it." He looks at the rest of the group, who are all too busy with their own conversation to pay us any mind. "Don't tell them I said that," he says with an easy smile.

"Maybe I should get you one on my own. What about Amo," I joke and I swear the man beside me looks like a puppy getting a treat. Dammit, my heart feels ridiculously warm. "So, do you think we stand a chance?" I quickly change the suspect before anything too real happens.

"Of course we do. I don't know if you've noticed but things tend to work out just great for us." I laugh with him. "Just great" seems like a bit of a stretch but it feels good to hear him so convinced.

-

We leave the restaurant not long after and Atticus and I are left alone in the room as always. We were able to get ourselves a third room so no one's complaining about us having one for ourselves.

After savoring the last shower I'll get before the battle, I curl up beside Atticus. He lazily wraps his arm around me as he usually does and I nuzzle my face in his chest. I don't even have it in me to be embarrassed right now.

We don't tend to talk when we're like this but I suddenly feel a sense of wrongness. Like I have to get one more thing off my chest before we can move on. Therefore, I take a deep breath before my courage disappears and say what I have to say. "I had sex with someone else."

Atticus's body goes taunt as if he'd just been electrocuted. I wait nervously for him to snap at me or be mad. When I feel one of his arms move beneath me I prepare myself to be thrown off him but his hand gently settles between my shoulder blades.

"Was it okay?" he asks slowly even as I hear the strain in his voice. I want to cry. Even though it happened when my powers were in control and A and I weren't together I know he doesn't like hearing it. Despite that, he's considerate instead of angry.

"It was consensual," I answer as I let my body mold further into his. Meanwhile, his hand is rubbing small circles on my back.

"Was it okay?" he repeats. I sigh against him.

"Well, not really. My powers were calling the shots so I zoned most of it but it hurt. I was tense and he didn't- I don't know. Whatever. It wasn't how it was with you."

"Why did you do it?" Atticus asks.

"I don't know. Maybe my powers wanted to prove a point. Or maybe I did. That I didn't need you or that I wasn't still broken." I laugh it off as best as I can before silence starts weighing down on us. "I'm sorry," I finally whisper, causing Atticus' arm to tighten around me.

"You don't owe me an apology. Let's sleep now, we leave early in the morning." I close my eyes and let his steady heartbeat and familiar scent lull me to sleep.

-

Let me tell you, traveling with an army that's familiar with the terrain really speeds up the journey. First, they led us up a more comfortable way out of the valley. Once we were in the woods it was like everyone's emotions were running high, creating a surprisingly giddy atmosphere.

I've stayed close to the other rebels all of the way and even went so far as to set my tent up next to theirs. The sun was just setting when we arrived at the edge of the desert so we'd spend the night before the fight here. I hate how close we are to where the governors' army is supposed to have their camp set up but an unspoken agreement that the rebels and I need rest for tomorrow has been set in place so I'll have to trust the soldiers to protect the camp.

Layla has asked me if she could sleep in my tent since Calista and Naiara and Xander and Sorin each share a tent and Atticus sleeps in a smaller one. I happily agreed but now, about an hour after we've decided to sleep, I'm getting restless. I can't seem to calm my nervous mind and there's no comfortable position to get into.

Finally, I get up and sneak out of the tent without waking Layla. I simply stand outside for a beat, letting my eyes travel over the dark tents until they settle on a particular one. There's a small light coming from inside, too white for the flame of a candle. Without thinking, I walk towards it and slip inside.

"Wha- oh shit. You scared me," Atticus exclaims when he notices me crouching before the flap door.

"Sorry." I'm not. "What are you doing?" I ask as I get closer.

"Mh? Nothing. It's nothing." He hastily lets the light in his hand fade and tries to gather a few pieces of paper in an unruly pile. Before he can stop me, I pick up one of them and hold them close to my face. My eyes take time adjusting to the sudden darkness but both of the moons outside shine bright tonight so I manage to make out a few words. It's a letter. To me.

"What's this?" I ask, raising my eyes to his.

"Nothing. Don't read it. Please." I'm tempted to ignore his plea but the vulnerability in his voice makes me lower the paper. He softly takes it out of my hand and places it on top of the pile.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" he asks.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Don't tell me you can't sleep without me anymore?" He exclaims with fake shock before he swoons. "Adorable, I'm like your favorite stuffed animal." I've never had one of those but I won't tell him that. Instead, I roll my eyes and softly slap his arm. "Don't worry princess, I'll gladly let you use me as a pillow." He lies on his back in the sleeping bag, looking at me expectantly as he holds out his arms. "Come on, don't let me wait." I smile and step closer, lie down next to him and meet his eyes.