In Shadows We Rise

Chapter 16

Reia

"Where's Atticus?" I ask despite myself. I had an early breakfast in my room and Xander has just led me outside the house and into a stone shed in the backyard. All the members are present except for him.

"He got held up, we'll start without him." Xander's voice sounds clipped but his smile is in place when I look at him. I feel some uneasiness creep in. Atticus is the one deciding whether someone passes the tests or not. He should be here.

"Let's get right to it. Reia, we're here for your second test. I should warn you, once we start no one can stop it until you've completed it. Where yesterday was about learning your limits, today is solely for you to get a fresh start. For that, you'll just have to face your past in one quick sweep." Xander is gathering a few things around the room while explaining this. He seems to be in a hurry as he rushes around the lit candles.

"No," I answer simply. Face my past? No way. For no amount of food will I ever agree to a task like that. I start backing away but the others circle me in closer. Naiara is staring at her feet and I look around for Atticus again. This is definitely wrong.

"It's nothing you haven't been able to face before. I believe in you." Xander is getting closer and his voice ends as nothing more than a hoarse whisper. He's sorry, I don't need powers to realize that. I try to bolt for the door but Xander clamps his hands firmly on my shoulders and I get sucked out of the world after one last look into his chocolate eyes.

My knees buckle and I can see the other members as if through a haze. At the same time, I'm not there at all. I see my mother, nothing but her. I feel happy, unconcerned about every single thing. Seeing her doesn't hurt.

The scene speeds up and I hold my brother for the first time. My parents smile and again, I feel no pain when I look at each of them. No anger when I see my father. The scene speeds up again and my past flashes before me.

Then, my mother is dying. Our house was raided and she was hurt. There's too much blood. I cry while I hold her and she's trying to soothe me. Finally, she closes her eyes and I scream for my father. He and Dex had gone shopping.

When I scream it feels different than when I was talking to my mother. I'm screaming in both words, I realize.

Hours blur together in my past and my dad comes home. His smile falls instantly when he sees the condition our house is in. He panics and his eyes fall on me. Then my mother's lifeless body in my arms. He rips me away from her, yelling at me, blaming me. "You killed her! This is your fault" He begs the gods to take my life in exchange for his wife's. His prayers aren't answered.

Eight years pass in a flash. Eight years of starving, getting abused and having to watch my back, not only when I steal in the village but at home as well. It hurts now. Everything hurts.

I run away with my brother. I can't take it anymore. We're dying.

We keep running hand in hand.

More fights, now with strangers, more hunger, more fear. I can't take it anymore. We're dying.

We go on, together.

One night, a dark alley, rough hands pulling me back by my hair. Rough hands ripping at my clothes. Warm breath on my skin. I'm screaming, yelling for help, begging for this to stop. I know I'm saying it in both worlds but I don't care. I feel my heart racing and breaking at the same time. "Stop!" I beg desperately. "Please!" I try to get away from the hands in both worlds.

I can't.

"We should stop." I hear a distant voice. It doesn't come from the world of memories I'm now in. It's one of the rebels. They sound unsure. Yes! I want to yell. Please!

I can't speak to them.

"I can't." The voice sounds strained, pained.

I'm still screaming.

A new memory. My brother goes into town from now on. I can't take this anymore. I'm dying. I wait for him to come back.

"What the hell is going on!" a voice booms from reality.

"Atticus," someone says. Atticus, I remember that name. I want to yell for help but I can't speak. I'm trapped in my own past.

There's yelling but it barely registers to me as a new memory comes to focus.

Years have passed and I'm running again, Dex right behind me, his hand in mine. The group of strangers is following us. My brother can't keep running so I fight for us. I fight for him but I am too weak.

My power fights for him.

He's terrified of me. He thinks I'll hurt him.

He leaves me.

I run. I can't take it anymore. I'm dying. I'm alone.

I'm screaming, trying to tone out the agony of my hollow heart.

"Stop this!" Someone yells over my screams.

"You know I can't!" the strained voice repeats.

I wake up in the Rebels' house. I'm scared.

It gets better. I feel safe with them. I forget my pain at dinner.

They hurt me. They want to hear me scream. Atticus is killing me. Atticus is stopping this.

I snap back to reality, the only thing keeping me upright on my knees are Xander's hands. They fall away as he tries to catch his breath and I fall back against the wall. I feel sick and weak. Hollow but not quite numb.

I open my eyes with great difficulty to see everyone staring at me, their faces ashen. Sorin isn't smiling anymore but I don't look at him. Atticus is crouching down in front of me, still far enough not to crowd me but close enough to capture my attention.

"Reia," his voice is soft and his eyebrows drawn together. He looks confused. Pained. I snap back to reality and straighten my back. It hurts, everything hurts.

"I hate you," I whisper hoarsely as I get to my feet. I head for the door but Layla tries to hold me back.

"Don't touch me!" I snap at her and she cowers away. Kill them! My powers say. Make them hurt!

I ignore them and leave the shed. I have nowhere to go but everywhere will be better than this.

"Reia!" Atticus calls from behind me. He's trying to catch up but I won't listen to him.

"Reia, please stop. I'm sorry, I didn't know." I won't listen to him. I hate them, I think even as tears stream down my face. A fraction of me doesn't want to leave. A fraction of me likes being part of something. The rest of me is hurting.

"Just stop. You did it. You passed the test. Let's go inside." His voice is urgent as he tries to plead with me. I can feel my walls crumbling further and shake my head. Fresh tears drip down my chin

"Reia, stop!" he yells more forcefully and I whip around.

"Make it stop!" I snap at him. My throat is burning from all the screaming I did. The sight of him hurts me further but I force myself to maintain eye contact. "I won't join you. Please, make it stop." It was meant to come off as a command but I'm pleading with him now. My voice is pathetic. Atticus slowly steps closer.

"I'm sorry." I'm not sure what he's apologizing for but I drink in the words. "I'm sorry, Reia."

I surprise myself as much as him when I wrap my arms tightly around him and bury my face in his chest. I cry against him as his hands slowly wrap around my shoulders. "I got you. You're fine, I got you," he says unsurely. I shake my head. I'm not fine. "You're safe now. No one will hurt you ever again, I promise." He can't promise that, I know he can't. Still, I cling to his words like a lifeline and squeeze him tighter.

"I got you," he repeats silently.