In Shadows We Rise

Chapter 36

Reia

The rebels silently leave the room but I don't move even after they're gone. I'll break the trance I'm in if I feel myself move now and I can't let that happen. I'm detached from reality at this moment but I know it's a fragile place. I can feel part of my mind trying to pull me back and it only got stronger with each word Atticus said to me. At least they're finally gone now.

I have no idea how long it took for the door to open again but I can sense Atticus walking over to me with cautious steps. He stops a few feet away and takes a deep breath as if to get himself to do something he doesn't want to. I should probably be affected by his presence but I'm not experiencing this as me. I don't even know if there still is a me. It doesn't feel like it.

No, I'm simply a bystander, completely untouched by everything that has happened and all that is to come.

"I'll take your shackles off now," Atticus starts. "We really hope you'll stay with us so we can work this out but if you need time apart, further than the space you can get in this house-" he hesitates but goes on after a beat, "You can go. Just- It's really dangerous out there, Rei, especially for you." I hadn't noticed he stepped closer until his hands started working on my restraints. His touch seems to be burning me every time his skin comes in contact with mine but I don't let myself react. Just before my shackles are fully off, Atticus stills. "There is so much to talk about and I don't even know where to begin but I know if you'll give us a chance, even though we don't deserve it, we can clean up this mess. We'll make things okay if you could just stay. No matter how long it takes, okay? We won't bother you until you are ready but at least here you would be safe." He wipes one of his hands over his cheek but I don't give into the temptation to see if he's crying for me. He's a liar. He manipulated and used me, so who's to say this isn't just another trick? I keep my muscles stiff and my gaze ahead.

"Please stay with me," the man beside my bed whispers just as my shackles fall off. As soon as the cold material is no longer touching my skin I can feel my powers rush back inside me. I hadn't even realized the restraints had suppressed my power but I know better now.

My blood starts humming and the whispers go right back to talking to me. Kill him. Look what he did to us, let us get revenge! As much as I try not to listen to them, it's a lot harder to fight them off than it used to be. He hurt you. We help you; you can feel it.

They are right. Now, though no longer in my trance, my sorrow has taken the back seat as the whispers take up most of my attention. They occupy my senses and force me to feel something besides the gut-wrenching pain the few minutes before I blacked out caused me. I don't feel hopeless now. I feel strong and powerful.

I'm not myself but if what I felt before is the price to pay to be Reia then I'm more than happy to let my powers take over.

I stand up from the bed with one smooth movement and head straight from the door. I don't bother looking over my shoulder to see Atticus one last time just like I don't grace the rebels standing by the door with any parting words.

"You know about our next plan, Reia. We have no right to ask anything of you but this is about so much more than us," Xander speaks urgently as I pass him on my way to the front door. None of them tries to stop me when I rip my gate to freedom open and keep walking even long after I've heard it close behind me. The fresh air envelops me but it's hardly a release. All it accomplishes is calming my powers, reminding me of the last twelve hours, and making me feel the effect of it all.

My body feels weak and exhausted. I've been up all day and night and it must be way past midnight now, by the looks of the night sky. The physical aspect is not the worst part though. Emotionally I feel- I don't have words to describe the way I feel. My energy is drained and my heart seems to physically hurt. Everything hurts.

Xander's parting words ring in my ears. He's right, I know the plan. In a week, or six days maybe, Ianira will leave the safety of the capital with a crew of selected guards and travel north towards Durgoda. The plan is similar to the rescue mission we accomplished not too long ago.

The journey will take five days and the rebels plan to attack on the third night. Ianira and her crew will be far away from any backup and by the time anyone in the capital would get notice of the ambush the governor would already be dead.

The plan's not bad since they only have to fight one of our governors. The surroundings will be less controlled and there won't be as many guards around. Attacking at night tends to make sense if you want to sneak up on someone. Especially if the guards had been traveling for days, they should be tired enough not to pose too much of a threat to the rebels.

"This is about more than us." I pinch my eyes close against the sting and lean up against the trunk of a tree nearby. I haven't realized I was in the woods already but I'm glad about the distance between me and the Rebels.

Even after all the damage I've caused already, I can't imagine how I could possibly help them again. I think about all the people that would profit from the government's destruction and I know I should feel horribly at the thought of abandoning them. Still, I don't.

All I feel is pain and anger as my powers keep assuring me the people of this nation have done me no good all my life. Why should I risk my life again to help them? Why should I force myself to work with people that have wronged me so deeply to ensure a better future for people that do not deserve it?

Let them die! My powers interject. Let them suffer and see where they end up without us!

I think about the soft features of Xander's face whenever he felt me being down. About Naiara's jokes when she tried to tease me. About grey eyes that made me feel so cared for, so special. The eyes that deceived me so beautifully.

I think about rough hands in my hair and strangers chasing me and my brother through the streets. I recount the times I was called worthless filth for being unmarked, a monster for being "gifted".

No, this nation doesn't deserve salvation.