In Shadows We Rise

Chapter 56

Reia

"You don't know me," I tell the guard leading us away from the mayor as soon as we are outside. Lin's head snaps my way and his face finally gives something away, even if it's just surprise. His eyes narrow.

"What are you talking about?" he asks.

"When you said three could meet the mayor you singled me out. You didn't know who I was," I repeat. No idea why it bothers me that much but I feel like making a point. Even if it's just to myself.

"Ah, that." That's all he says before focusing on the streets ahead. Is he serious? He's mistaken if he thinks I'll drop this just yet.

"I'd like an answer," I insist, ignoring how childish I must sound.

"You haven't asked a question." Is that amusement I hear? Deep breaths, I tell myself.

"Why did you single me out?" I ask through gritted teeth. The man looks over at me once more, sizing me up before looking away once more with a slight grin on his face. I take a breath to yell at him but he surprised me by answering.

"I'm good at reading people," he says. Wow.

"So you took one look at me and decided I was not to trust near your boss?" A bitter laugh escapes me before I can stop myself. I should step away from this conversation before I lost the last of my dignity but something's holding me here. It's the first time I've spoken to anyone other than the Rebels in months, maybe. Me, not my powers. Just me having a conversation with a different person.

Then it hits me. When did I ever have that? Before I met the Rebels I was on the run. I spoke to my brother and sometimes to strangers when we were in trouble but never anything else. I swallow around the lump in my throat. Look at me pathetically getting emotional over something I can't change.

I zone back to reality only to realize the man to my right has been studying me.

"Interesting. I made that comment simply because you seemed like the biggest threat, actually. You were the only one that turned my way when I shut the door behind you, remember? It surprised me. I don't like surprises." He looks away from me once more and I'm glad. I don't like the way his stare makes me feel. Like he's stripping my layers to see right through me.

Before I could think of what to do next, Lin comes to a stop, turns back to my companions, and gestures to the building at the side of the road. "Here we are, Gary's inn. Good luck." Then he leaves in the same direction we just came from

Xander takes the lead as we enter the seemingly only shabby building this city has to offer. It has something comforting about it, less foreign and more like old times. I find myself smiling softly.

"What are you smiling about?" Atticus snaps me out of my thoughts. I can feel my expression hardening of its own accord. Skies, I'm tired of feeling this way every time I think about him, hear his voice, or see him. I'm starting to be too tired to be angry all the time which leaves me to simply feel sad instead. I hate what I've become.

"Atticus to Reia? You drifted off there for a second." I force my eyes to meet him while setting a scowl in place.

"I wasn't smiling," I snap before turning away.

"Guys, come on," Xander says from ahead as he leads us up the stairs. When he walks into a room and I notice he holds only one key I stop.

"Don't even play with me. What about the other rooms?" I ask.

"Right, the thing is the other rooms are either being used or something's wrong with them. Gary said he'll get more blankets up here. There are two beds and a couch, we can take turns." I barely contain a groan. Is a little time away from this group too much to ask for? I just need a few hours to myself. A moment where I can scream or break down or simply sit in a corner and face the opposite wall without being interrupted.

"I think we should get each other up to speed before we get some sleep. Sound good?" Xander gets a few murmurs of agreement while the rebels sit down.

"Do you guys want to go first or should we? I think you have more to tell," Atticus says, taking turns looking at Naiara, his sister, Sorin, and me.

Naiara starts off by retelling what we heard from the governors, leaving out the part about my sperm donor. She hesitates when it comes to mentioning the siblings' father and I notice the two of them exchanging uneasy glances. What's that I feel? Yes, fucking empathy. Skies, I wish I could enjoy seeing them suffering somehow but I keep thinking about little Atticus witnessing his mother's death. It makes me want to throw up but I even feel bad for Layla since I know what it's like to step in and take care of a sibling when it shouldn't have been your responsibility. Just that she succeeded at the job where I failed.

After she finished, Naiara goes right on. "I'm not even sure what happened next." She shudders and looks at me. "Maybe you should explain?"

I told them the shadows showed us their conversation instead of just letting us hear like it was no big deal, hoping they would let it go. They didn't, of course. Instead, they looked at me baffled before Atticus asks if it has happened before.

"Once," I say curtly. The last thing I need is to think about the last time.

"What did you see?" Xander asks cautiously.

"My brother getting tortured." I'm proud to say my voice doesn't waver even as the words leave an acid taste in my throat and mouth. The people around me look shell-shocked, making me wish I hadn't told them. Weirdly, I didn't even think to lie this time. Idiot move as it turns out.

"Hang on, that night? Where you asked me about the whispers?" Atticus asks slowly and I want to kick myself all over again. Tempting as that may be, I end up nodding instead. His face seems to crumble more to the point I'm scared he'll start crying. If that happens I'll seriously jump out the window.

"Why didn't you tell us?" he asks quietly. I guess we're doing this now.

"I wonder why," I exclaim, pretending to think about it. "Oh, that's right. Because you guys either made me feel unwelcome or ended up having lied to me." I make it my point to look at each of the rebels, silently enjoying that they're sitting while I'm still standing.

Considering how long I've avoided this conversation, I'm proud of how much I'm keeping myself composed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Atticus repeats. I guess he doesn't think my former reasons apply to him. Do they? If what he said was truly bullshit like he insists, I guess they may not. I try to think back to why I didn't tell them.

My conclusion; I was a coward. The realization hits me like a train but it's true. I had no reason not to confide in Atticus. There's no justification for not having done anything to save my brother.

I'm suddenly unable to meet any of the others' eyes. What would they think about me would they know? Right on time, the whispers decide to speak up. Who cares! They are nothing to us! They hurt us! You don't need them and you certainly don't need their opinions. I haven't heard them in so long that I nearly flinch. They sound cold... have they always felt this way?

I try to push them away but even after they've quieted down I continue to feel their presence like a rock in my shoe.

"Rei?" a soft voice rips me back to reality. I'm surprised enough to hear my name on her lips that I meet Calista's hazel eyes. At the same time, a sunbeam filters through the dirty window, making her eyes look so much like the ones of my little brother my heart gives another squeeze. I can't do this. Holy hell, I don't want to do this anymore, I think.

As you wish, the whispers answer as they overwhelm me at once.