In Shadows We Rise

Chapter 44

Reia

Someone knocks on my door some time later. I've collected myself by now though am in no way feeling better. I say nothing but the door opens. Naiara steps inside with a tray of food in her hands. She walks over until she stops awkwardly at the side of my bed.

"Where do you want me to put it? It's your favorite," she says quietly. I keep my gaze hard enough for her to break eye contact. Good, I don't want any of them to look at me. "I know it'll be hard to eat with those restraints on but I can help you if you want. We really don't enjoy forcing you to wear them but we don't know what else to do. You seemed so different when we saw you on the battlefield and we were just scared. Scared we might've- might've lost you."

"You have," I say slowly, keeping my voice calm and even. Naiara raises her eyes back to mine even as hers are wide with fear. She swallows.

"Where do you want me to put your food?"

"Up your own ass for all I care. I don't want anything coming from you," I hiss.

"Layla said you needed food. You've been out cold for three days, you need the strength," Naiara insists. I feign innocent surprise.

"She did? Oh in that case. In that case, you can tell her to keep her opinion to herself. I don't care what any of you have to say, I thought I've made that clear." The girl in front of me shifts on her feet. Maybe if I starve myself long enough the Rebels will have no choice but to let me go.

"I'll just leave it here." She sets the tray on the bedside table like I could reach it there, before quickly shuffling out of the room. Once I'm alone again, I fall back into my bed. This time when I wish to disappear nothing happens. There's no humming in my blood and no power making me feel safe and untouchable.

I fall asleep after multiple hours of lying awake and being tormented by memories. I wanted to cry in relief when I could finally get a break from reality. That was until the first nightmare hunted me down.

My brother's being tortured. He screams out in pain, again and again, sobbing my name in between breaths. I can't escape the dark room I'm trapped in with the horrifying scene.

Next are rough hands over smooth skin. Rough hands clasping down on a screaming mouth. But it's not my mouth this time, instead, I'm watching the horror happening to Naiara. Her eyes are wide with terror and her pale face is wet with tears and sweat. She's trying to fight even though there's no chance of winning. No chance of escaping this fight without losing a piece of herself.

Next is yelling. Curses meant to bring a person down, to break them. A loud voice blaming an innocent before forcing them to their knees and ripping their shirt away. There's a knife, sharp and ready, but instead of cutting through my flesh, the blood streams down brown skin. Xander bites down on his lips as he tries to keep quiet. "You deserve this! You killed her!" Silent tears stream down his cheeks even long after the knife has been put away and he has been left alone. He's still crying when he feels the scarred skin beneath his fingertips to this day.

A bird flies circles around Atticus. No. I don't want to see this. I want to run away, tell him to run away. I want to scream at him to stop as he heads for the window in the room. "Don't do it! Please stop!" He doesn't hear me. He opens the window and sees his sister's head hanging in the tree. He falls apart. He's dying. He's alone. The scenery around him falls away and he's alone in a void of darkness. There's no one to help him, no one to comfort him or hold him through the pain. He doesn't hear me yell at him and I can't move to support him. He's alone and he'll always be alone.

My eyes fly open and a scream dies on my lips. A wide-eyed Atticus is standing before me, his hands on my shoulders. "You're okay, it was just a dream. I got you," he whispers as his eyes flicker over my face as frantically as mine fly over his. He's fine, I think. Then I pull myself together. Of course, he's fine, the thing in my dream didn't happen to him. None of the things happened to them.