Accident

Chapter 51

Its been six months, two weeks, five days and sixteen hours now since I left Stray kids.

We had another two comebacks in this time and four concerts.

It was really fun and I enjoyed it really a lot, still I always tend to let my mind space out. I am thinking a lot and I got those terrible nightmares again.

I would sleep three to four hours a day and shake in fear every time I wake up.

My unnies are really concerned about my health, but I always pretend everything is okay.

Its easier and sometimes I even believe myself, that everything is fine. I didn't even cry one time on any stage anymore and just pretend that I am happy and joyful.

But deep inside I am a dark hole.

I feel sad and really lonely.

Even if I am surrounded by loving people I feel lonely.

I didn't see Silas for like five months now and its hard. I feel like my family is fading away even if I have my unnies.

I love my unnies, but recently they start to argue a lot and I just wish to have silent and peace.

3racha is still our producer, but I rarely see them. I haven't talked to any of them since the apology.

I mean I also don't really give them a chance. I am always trying to keep me busy. I write a lot of songs and hang out a lot with Got7.

They are really chill to talk with and we sometimes go get coffee.

Once we even got caught.

Dispatch posted a photo of me and Jackson on our way to the company and he's handing me coffee.

Also I started to go on vlive more often.

I try to go every week once or twice to talk with tiny. I really love to talk with them and its funny to do my homework with them.

It makes me realize that its all worth it. The pain, the frustration and the hate.

Its all worth it for the love of tinys.

I am in a dance studio just trying to write some songs. There is one line I already know I want to use, but I am not sure yet how to combine it all.

I take a guitar and play the chores of melody. That day we had a huge fight. It really changed my life. You said some things that weren't right, but that's fine. Because maybe we just weren't right. Maybe you shouldn't stay by my side this time.

Because it was not right. But its fine, because your alright. I write the rap part down and think for a while in my head.

I know your not, by my side. But I hope you are doing alright. Because (long) you are my family my safe place to hide and peek. My home alive who's still alive. And all I need is for you to be alright. Dont be by my side just be happy and alive I write the last words on to the paper and start to sing the hole song.

I finish it a clap my hands in excitement.

I take the sheet and the guitar. I run out of the dance studio to search for Jimin unnie. I knock on a studio she was inside before.

I open it and see Jimin unnie with Seungmin talking. She looks at me and smiles softly.

"Show me what you did princess", she talks to me like a mom to a three year old. "I will come later again. You guys talk", I am about to close the door, when

"Please don't avoid us. Sisi please", I hear Seungmin say and it melts my heart.

I can hear the sadness in his and I close my eyes.

I open the door back open again and look at him. His looking at me like a puppy he's pouting and I can see tears in his eyes.

I look at Jimin unnie and she nods. I close the door behind me and go closer to him. "Stop looking at me puppy", I say and some tears flow down his face.

I wipe them away and he lays his arms around my waist. I lay my head on his and hug him back.

"Please don't be mad anymore", he sobs and I stroke his hair softly. "I never was mad. I just didn't want you guys to fight because of me", I say and he looks me in the eyes.

"Then can you not ignore me? I miss you so much", he cries out and I nod.

My eyes are also teary and I hug him even tighter. "I missed you too. So much puppy", I say and he chuckles.

Jimin unnie somehow left the room without anyone of us noticing.

"How have you guys been?", I ask him and he leans back on his chair. "Honestly? Horrible. Jeongin and Hyunjin are still mad at Felix. Chan and Han are mostly in the studio. The first two months they never really came back to the dorm to sleep.

They always slept on the couch in the studio. Changbin is working out a lot since then. Me and Minho are kind of trying to hold the group together.

But its really bad.

Like Felix feels really guilty about what he said. He rarely comes out of his room and if he comes out he pretends like nothing ever happened. Sisi your missing in our family. Everything is wrong without you. Can you please come back to us? Please", Seungmin begs me.

"Thats so messed up. Okay, I will try to come back. But not all at once. One by one. I got you now. Who do you think should be the next?", I ask Seungmin. and he thinks for a moment. "I think Chan or Jeongin. They really miss you a lot. Jeongin sometimes even cries. He thinks we don't know, but we know", Seungmin says.

"Then lets show Chan this song I wrote now and then go to Jeongin", I suggest and he nods happy.

"Lets bring our family back together"