Accident

chapter 57

In the next eight days I am like in an other world. I smile, when I need and eat when I have to. Its like my motivation of doing anything is gone.

The work I did in therapy for almost seven months are now all gone. Its like I waisted my time to find happiness in the dark. And feel even deeper into the dark.

I cry myself to sleep at night and wake up with terrible headache. I pretend like everything is fine and I am okay for Simon. For my unnies. For Jyp and for my brother.

But the darkness, that lived in me for four years is slowly coming to life. It eats me alive and I have no more energy to fight against it.

Today we are having the last day in New York. We are flying back to Korea after this interview. Jennie unnie is sitting next to me and gets her make up done.

I am already finished and waiting for Jennie unnie.

We are in the interview for about fifteen minutes and I really want it to end. It is always the same questions over and over again.

"So I have a question for you two. Who do you think is the most popular in your group?", he asks us and I fake smile at him.

"So I would say probably Jennie unnie, because she's so pretty and her rapping is really good. She just gives me like the elegant, but still cool vibe", I say and he nods.

"How about you Jennie?" "So I think maybe Jimin unnie. She repeats like the typical Korean girl. She is beautiful and that cute smile and like the typical eyes. I don't know this is hard to say", she chuckles and I fake giggle.

"So you two both had really good guesses, but the most popular girl in your group is the youngest", he says smiling.

"Me?", I ask surprised and I get a little anxiety. Why me? I am not as pretty as my unnies. Are the unnies going to be mad? I hope they won't be mad. I really like them.

Jennie puts her hand over mine and smiles at me calmly. I just notice my hands were shaking.

"Sisi, of course. She our little girl, our maknae. She's very strong and so powerful. We always admire her social skills and how she can make everyone comfortable to talk to her", Jennie unnie smiles and lets go of my hand.

"By the way. I don't think we ever mention it, but when we all were trainees back then Sisi was called golden princess", Jennie unnie chuckles and I smile a her.

"Oh really? Why?", the interviewer asks. "Because she was recommended by one of our heads. She called her the golden princess, because Sisi was good at everything. In a short time of two months she managed to get from the lowest block into block A and even debuted with us", Jennie unnie explains.

"So you only trained for two months before the survival show?", he asks me and I nod. "Yes"

"So I came to Korea and they started to train me for dancing. I made a good expiration so they continued pushing me to the block A. I don't think anyone thought I would actually make it this fare so quickly", I tell him and he nods smiling politely.

"Your are a real magic bomb I have to say. Your dancing is amazing, your singing is amazing and you write songs for your group. How do you still have time for school and go live once or twice a week?", he asks me.

"I don't know to be honest. I sometimes feel really exhausted and tired, but I always remember, that tinys are waiting for me so I take my hole energy and go live. I really enjoy to spent time with them so honestly I don't mind. Sometimes while I chat with them new song ideas pop up in my head.

But i didn't went live for quit a while now, because we have been really busy lately", I say and Jennie unnie nods.

"Yeah, I heard about that. Where have you been?", he asks.

"So we went to Japan to promote there and then we came back. At the afternoon me and Sisi left again to come to the USA", Jennie unnie explains.

We talk about for another twenty minutes and then he says goodbye.

"It was a pleasure to chat with you", I say and me and Jennie unnie bow. We get changed and Simon takes us to the airport.

After almost fifteen hour flight we are finally back in Seoul. I feel how my pressure relives and I kind of get relaxed. It is actually already already Christmas Eve.

All my unnies went back and I know Jennie unnie is also going back to visit her parents. I hug her for goodbye and she takes an other van to drive to her house.

I don't know where I should go, since Silas went back to Australia with Jisoo unnie to visit our aunt and some cousins.

I ask Simon to drop me off at our dorm and I thank him. I get in and to the dorm and start to pack my things out. This will be my first time spending Christmas and Christmas Eve alone.

I search for some things to wear, when I found a black hoodie from Felix. I smell it and it still has his smell on it. I smile happy and sad at the same time. I go to shower and wear the hoodie afterwards.

I go to the living room of our dorm and sit on the sofa. I stare at the turned off tv and just don't think anything.

I listen to the silence in the dorm and the loud noises from the traffic outside.

Suddenly someone rings the door. I slowly get up and open the door.

"Felix?", I say surprised and he smiles at me.