After Class (Janet and Aaliyah)

Chapter 62

I turned 22 yesterday so here is my gift to y'all lol

Aaliyah

I almost couldn't even be bothered with meeting up with Mell after school. I was scatterbrained for the rest of the day, fading in and out of reality as flashbacks of what happened that morning kept replaying in my mind.

I was so mad. Mad at myself for letting it get to me enough to jeopardize Acacia's life and mine, mad at Hemphill for even existing, and mad at Acacia for making me feel this way at all. She consumed me now. It was a strange, scary, overwhelming feeling to be that deeply in love with someone. Our special circumstances only made it worse. If it had been anyone else, I probably would have left long before now.

I wasn't sure I wanted to apologize, though. It was her fault that I was acting like this after all. I kept reminding myself that we wouldn't even be in this place if it weren't for her, and that spared me the last bit of sanity I had left. I'd forgiven her on multiple occasions for what happened at that party, but there was no way I could just forget. I never would. And I didn't want to. Sometimes, it was the only thing left reminding me that she was still human when most days, she seemed so pristine, nearly untouchable.  Having the playing field leveled that night really only brought us closer at the end of the day.

I didn't know what I was gonna say to her the next time I saw her, or what she would say to me. We'd left things so unfinished in that classroom, but somewhere in my subconscious I knew that there really wasn't much else to be said. We'd had this same argument almost every week, and the only difference today was that it wasn't behind closed doors. I was sick of telling her I trusted her when I knew I really didn't, not completely. I was sick of her reassuring me that it would be okay, when I knew it wouldn't. Not as long as we all were stuck in this animal cage together five days a week.

But when she handed Miss Caprese his jacket in the hall, I had an odd feeling that the worst really had passed. That jacket was like her white flag. She may not have been willing to end their relationship the way I saw fit—kicking his ass directly to the curb—but in her own way and in her own time. She just wasn't the confrontational type.

After I was done playing the blame game, all I could think about was the way she handled me, and the way I let her, and the way I loved it. It was an exhilarating sensation of something like fire and ice. In that moment, I could barely stand to look at her, but it took all I had not to rip our clothes off and let her have her way.

I was so confused. So upset. So in love.

"Girl, wake up! We about to handle business, and you over there in LaLa land." Jazmine snapped her fingers in front of my face as we waited for Mell at the front door. We were letting the parking lot clear out a little bit before meeting up with Pac, and I still hadn't stopped thinking about it.

  "Sorry, girl." I rubbed my forehead. "What you say?"

  "I was asking where the hell you was at for lunch today. And what happened after I left Miss King's class?"

  "I don't wanna talk about it."

Jazmine knew quite a bit about us, but that incident was a different kind of personal. She'd never understand. She'd probably tell me to leave her, but of course I couldn't do that. Not any time soon, and not without a real fight.

  "Oh. Well, you staying over tonight, right?"

  "No, Jaz. I don't wanna talk about it at all. Not here, not at home."

  "Damn."

  "Yeah."

  "Y'all break up or something?"