After Class (Janet and Aaliyah)

Chapter 47

Acacia

My mind was in shambles. There were too many emotions to count; All I knew is that they were manifesting themselves in the form of only tears on the outside.

The first was worry. I was scared for Khori, of course, dying to know how she would decide to go about the treatment of her illness. I prayed that, whatever she chose, worked out in her favor. It all just needed to be over as quickly as it seemed to begin.

The second was frustration. I knew what was happening, no matter how much  tried to fight and deny it. I couldn't even fully admit to myself, but it was coming and it needed to stop. Those feelings were off limits and nonnegotiable. Not in a million lifetimes would I satisfy that small piece of my heart, and maybe that's why it was growing larger.

Guilt. Bringing Aaliyah into this in any sort of capacity seemed wrong. Khori was my ex, and I shouldn't have expected Aaliyah to support me and listen to me ramble about her when she was sitting right in front of me. But damn it, these cornrows just looked too familiar to hold it in.

Gratitude. After all of that, I was so thankful even to have someone to talk to, someone so patient, someone as loving as Aaliyah. And whatever feelings I had pertaining to the past would not last long so long as she was here, rubbing me down in lotion and wiping my tears away even when she hadn't the first clue about what I was feeling. I didn't need anyone else but her.

The only thing I was sure of was that I was craving physical affection. One glass of wine, a bubble bath, and a sensual massage only led to one thing to me. In my opinion, we had waited just a little too long.

"....Can I do that?" Aaliyah asked softly, starting to touch me.

"Please," I whispered. It came out more as a moan when my mind began to race with the endless possibilities between her body and mine. It had been one hell of a night, but it didn't have to stop at the hospital, by any means. It could be memorable for more reasons than one.

  I looked down at the way she caressed me, convinced that she was a masseuse in the past life. No matter where she touched me, it was going to feel good. I  was seated in her lap, and  found myself clinging to her body like a child. It felt so different, but refreshing, to give her the reigns for once. I put it on myself to be dominant in nearly every situation, when the reality was that she never once had asked me to be. I felt my grip tightening on her top, surrendering more the faster she went. She hadn't even taken my underwear off, or gone inside of me, but I wanted to scream in pleasure, anger—every emotion that was coursing through me could release itself from the confines of my mind—if only I'd let it. The wall I'd built was too high at this point. It would take a little more than her slender fingers to get me wide open, but not too much more.

It was seldom that I let my guard down. Yet, I had a feeling that she would stumble upon a key tonight... that's how good she was starting to make me feel. That's how much I trusted her.

  The next thing I knew, Aaliyah was pushing me down on the bed and I didn't fight her. Looking into her eyes, I didn't quite recognize her. Something was different. Maybe it was the way she was taking her time, or taking such good care of me this entire night, but I wasn't used to this side of her. She seemed so tranquil and at ease with the moment, in no particular rush to get to me. It gave her the err of someone maybe twice her age. For the first time in a long time, I felt protected.

She leaned over me and started to kiss me again. It was careful and slow, and when her tongue came into contact with mine, I started to forget what I was so high-strung about. My leg wrapped around her body, giving my mind the illusion that she was closer to me. I felt her smile against my lips at my gesture before pulling it off of herself to touch me instead. This time, my panties were pulled to the side and the sensation of skin to skin made me have to pause and take a moment. Aaliyah picked up her head to see the expression on my face and just what she was doing to me.