Youngtails Curse (A Warriors Cat Manga)

Chapter 34: Few Days

I stared at the grave that was in front of me, as it kind of felt like that was all that I had been doing for the last moon or so, as I was not all too sure as to just how long it was that it had in fact been if I was not going to lie to my self either, as it kind of felt like time had been going at a bit of a different speed ever since she had been gone. She and my kits that I had been so excited for, all of them were gone.
Only one of them had made it after it was that she had given birth to them, or rather, after it was that the kits had in fact been cut out of her womb, as the kit that had actually made it, did not make it long what so ever, as there was nothing to feed the poor young kit with, as I had to watch the young kit die right in front of my eyes, just as I had to watch my mate die, as I felt like I could not help but to feel that all of this was my fault.
I felt like it all was, as it felt like the death of every cat that it felt like I had ever loved, or ever cared for, had in fact died due to me, all at the exact same time as well, as now that I thought back on all of it, I knew that if I had told my brother that we should not go to the gathering island, than my sister would not have died for sure, what so ever, all at the exact same time as well, none the less, as even though I knew it was my brothers idea, I could have easily stepped in to stop him.
I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could, all at the exact same time too, as I then began to start to think on the death of my mother, and the death of my brother, as I knew that I had been the one to kill my brother, who had not seen it coming, and who had not thought that was what it was that I was about to go on ahead and do, all at the exact same time as well, none the less.
I felt sick, and I felt quite a bit dark in side if I was not going to lie to my self, as I felt like if I had in fact been faster, and I had told my brother not to do what it was that he was about to do, than things would have all been okay, all at the exact same time as well, none the less, even if it was that I would not have got to see my mother again, due to the fact that she was in fact going to go and leave Windclan no matter what the case was as well.
I let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh, as I then all of the sudden began to start to think on the death of my best friend, none the less, as I felt quite a bit dark, and I felt quite a bit empty in side due to that, all at the exact same time too, as I felt like, as much as I wanted to say that there was nothing that I could have done about that, I kind of felt like there was some thing that I could have done, as I felt like I could have stopped FancyStar, or I could have been there to help my best friend.
Not only thinking of some thing that I could have done to stop FancyStar, but if I had done some thing to stop her, than it would have meant that I would not have lost my father, as I knew that I could have been faster, and I could have saved the life of my father, if I had in fact been going to the tall rock faster than I had been, and I had in fact seen what it was that was soon to come, actually happen, all at the exact same time too.
I did my best to try to calm my self down, but it felt like I was not done there at all, just yet, as I then began to start to think on the death of PikeStar, as I felt like that he had died due to the fact that he had far too much physical activity in one day for a cat as old as he was, as I felt like he would have not died at all, what so ever, if there was the simple fact that I would have in fact told him that we should just stay back at the camp that day, all at the exact same time too.
Then, not only was there that, but I felt like it had been written down, after just what it was that PikeStar had even said to me, all at the exact same time as well, none the less, which of course had to do with the fact that he had told me as to the fact that he had lost his own mate due to the fact that she had died when she had been given birth, though that was a lot different it felt like for her, due to the fact that she did not have a medicine cat to help her.
My mate had a medicine cat how ever, and that had not really done all too much what so ever, all at the exact same time too, none the less, as I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could, as I knew that my mate did in fact have them, and she had still passed away. It reminded me as to just why that was, as I did in fact remember as to the fact that RabbitNose had told me that she might be to young to have kits.
That was why... I had impregnated her, and she had been far too young to have kits just yet... It was once again my fault, as I felt sick to even think on all of those other thoughts that seemed to be going on through my head right at this very moment in time any ways, once again, as I knew that all of the deaths of all of the cats that I had ever even loved in the very first place any ways, they were all my fault, and that there was nothing that I could do now to go back and stop it.
I just wanted to have some thing special with my mate, and instead, I had been the one that had killed my mate, and it made me feel quite a bit sick to even think on all of those thoughts, all at the exact same time as well, none the less. I was not all too sure as to just what it was that was going on right at this very moment in time any ways, but I simply just flopped down on the ground, on my mates grave, and I just began to start to cry, as I felt like there was nothing else that I could do.
I did not care what so ever, if it was that all of the cats that were even in the camp right at this very moment in time any ways, were in fact staring at me right now, as I was sure they knew that I was in a lot of pain right now any ways. I just simply began to start to speak quite a bit quietly to my self, all at once, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of those other thoughts that I had in fact been thinking on long before now, once again.
"I'm sorry BreezeFoot... It is all my fault... Every one... I didn't deserve you... You deserved someone better than me..." I said to my self, all at once, as it was as if I was trying to speak to my mate right at this very moment in time any ways, even though I knew damn well that she could not hear a single word that I was even trying to say right at this very moment in time any ways, as I knew that was due to the fact that she was dead of course.
I felt sick, as I was not all too sure as to just what else it was that I should even do right now if I was not going to lie toy self either, as I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts that I had been thinking on once again. What if she was in that place that they used to tell me about when I was a young kit? It was called Starclan... I knew that there had been a few cats that had believed in all of that, as I knew that RabbitNose some how still did after all that she had seen.
I just wanted to curse at those dead cats if I was not going to lie to my self either, as I was not all too sure as to just how it was that they could do this to me all at the exact same time as well, if it was all true, than why would they let all of this happen? No... It could not be true... It was just a little tale that they used to tell me when ever it was that I was a kit, and I knew it all at the exact same time as well, none the less, as I knew that it was time to face reality.
I knew that the clan did not have much longer, as I felt like I should just give up on it right now, if I was not going to lie to my self either. Perhaps HeartFurn was right, and I should go become a kitty pet my self, all at the exact same time too, as it was clear that I was doing an awful job as a leader right now, as it seemed like there had been a lot more cats that had died, rather than there had been cats that had joined the clan, or had been born in the clan, all at the exact same time as well.
I did my best to try to calm my self down once again, which felt quite a bit hard for me to do right now, as I felt like I was emotionally scarred right now. I felt like every thing that I had loved, and every thing that I had ever cared for, was now gone, as it all just kind of felt like there was no point in me even trying any more, as I knew that at this point, it was highly unlikely that I was ever going to find a mate at all, so it felt like there was no point in even thinking on that.
Now half of my clan was dead, due to the sickness that had plagued the clan over the last leaf bare, and also the war that we had with Thunderclan, all at the exact same time as well, as I still was not all too sure as to just why it was that I had even let those cats in to my camp in the very first place any ways, if I was not going to lie to my self either, as I just kind of wanted to step up on to the tall rock right now, and just cast them all out.
How ever, I knew that they got along with the cats that I had left in my own clan, and I knew that they did in fact help us quite a bit, so I stopped my self right there, before it was that I was in fact to do any thing stupid what so ever, all at the exact same time too. I simply let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh to my self all at once, as I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of that, as I then all of the sudden began to start to move back from my father, and my mate and kits grave, all at the exact same time as well, none the less.
I just closed my eyes, as I was not all too sure as to just what it was that I should do next, and just what it was that I should even be doing right at this very moment in time, in the very first place any ways, if I was not going to lie to my self either, as I felt like I should go hunting right now, even though I knew that the prey pile was full. I just did not feel like I had the energy to do some thing like that right now any ways, if I was going to be for real with my self, none the less.
I just grunted a bit to my self, as I then just began to start to turn my head around, and I began to start to head over to just where it was that my den was even at right now, in the very first place any ways, as I felt like it might just be best for me to get some sleep for the day, and wake up the next day, just to be as miserable as I had been the last day, once again. I hated this process that it felt like I was stuck in, but I kind of felt like there was no way out of it if I was going to be for real with my self as well, as I felt like I should just accept the facts at this point.
I shook my head, as I let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh to my self, as I just went on ahead and did in fact begin to start to head over to my den to get some rest, even though I knew that the day had just begun. I felt tired as all hell, as it was quite a bit hard for me to sleep when I did not have my mate by my side, which it felt like I had got so attached to, and it felt like I had got so used to that, that it still hurt me every day to know that it was no longer the case any more.
I just kept on going to the den either way, as I did my best to just not think on any of that once again, for any longer, as I was about half way from the grave, over to my den, when I then all of the sudden saw that a big tom cat had in fact stepped in front of me to stop me, and to speak to me, all at the exact same time as well, which did in fact kind of annoy me, and it did in fact upset me quite a bit if I was going to be for real with my self once again, none the less.
I stared at the tom cat for just a few moments, until I realized that it was my deputy, JaggedBriar, as it was clear that he also seemed to be in a bit of a hurry, as it seemed like he had some thing important to say to me all at the exact same time as well. I was a little bit lost on just what it was that it could be, as I tilted my head over to him all of the sudden. As I did in fact do as such a thing, I then all of the sudden saw that JaggedBriar did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to nod to me, to let me know that he was in fact about to go right on ahead and speak to me, all at the exact same time too.
I breathed in quite a bit to my self, as I did my best to try to calm my self down, as I felt like I really did not want to hear any more bad news if I was going to be for real with my self, all at the exact same time as well, none the less. I did my best to try to keep my self calm how ever, as I felt like if it truly was important how ever, I might not have any other choice. I then all of the sudden began to start to go on ahead and nod back to the tom cat, to let him know that I was in fact paying attention to him right at this very moment in time as well, none the less.
I stared at the tom cat right in to his eyes for quite a bit of some time, as I then all of the sudden, finally, thankfully enough, noticed that the tom cat was in fact beginning to start to go on ahead and speak to me, as I did in fact begun to start to listen as to just what it was that he even had to say to me in the very first place any ways, all at the exact same time too, never the less.
"There are some cats from Riverclan that are sick and might need help on the out side of their territory... We are going to take SniffEyes and a bunch of other cats to go help them, and feed them... We will be gone for a few days, but we will come back with about 15 cats... If that is okay with you..." He said to me, as I stared at the tom cat right in to his eyes for quite a bit of some time, almost as if I had not heard a single word as to just what it was that he had said to me in the very first place any ways.
I saw that JaggedBriar seemed to have a bit of a smile on his face, as it was clear that he had hoped that what it was that he had just told me was in fact going to get my hopes up, and it was in fact going to get me excited for the clan all at the exact same time as well, but sadly that was not the case what so ever, as I simply just seemed to stare at him with the exact same blank look that I had on my face before hand, and before all of this once again.
I could tell that it disappointed the tom cat quite a bit, all at the exact same time as well, as it was clear that he had known that I had been down, and that I had been in quite a bit of some pain as of late, due to all that had happened to me, as it was clear that he was trying to lighten things up for me, and that he was trying to give me at least a little bit of some hope, which sadly enough for him was not going to work, as I felt like I was just hopeless no matter what it was that was going to be the case.
I felt like what it was that he had in fact said to me should in fact be some thing that I should in fact be excited for, but sadly that was not the case what so ever, at all, as I just felt dark, and I felt empty in side, due to the fact that I just felt like I did not care. I knew that I wanted more cats in my clan, at least I felt like I should. How ever, some thing was just telling me right at this very moment in time all at the exact same time as well, none the less, that I should not be excited, and that I should not be happy for this.
I was not all too sure as to just why that was in fact the case, if I was not going to lie to my self either, but I felt like it might just be best for me to not think on that for all too much longer, as I simply then all of the sudden began to start to crack quite a bit of a fake smile on my face all at once, to try to lighten up my deputy, which it was not really the way that I was feeling at all what so ever right now, but it was clear that he had in fact noticed that, as he lifted his head up, and he cracked quite a bit of a sad smile on his face all at the exact same time too.
I began to start to think on just what it was that he had even said to me in the very first place any ways, for just a little bit longer, about the fact that they had in fact found some cats from Riverclan that were still alive, as it was clear that even after it was that they had left their clan and their territory behind, some of the cats had in fact stuck together, as it felt like, as much as it felt like we had lost, perhaps we would still have a chance to still have at least one clan that could grow, that was left behind from all of the scattered remains of the other clans.
I did my best to try to calm my self down all at once, as I felt like I was getting a little bit too ahead of my self, all at the exact same time as well, though I did in fact start to feel a little bit of some energy, and a little bit of some hope that I had not felt ever since it was that I still had BreezeFoot, as it felt like there still might be a chance that some thing could in fact good happen to all of the clans, all at the exact same time as well, never the less, at that.
I stared at the tom cat right in to his eyes for just a little bit longer, as in the end, I did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to nod to my deputy, all at the exact same time as well, to let him know that I was in fact about to go right on ahead and begin to start to speak to him, all at the exact same time too, once again, as I wanted him to know that I was in fact okay with this, and that this was some thing that I wanted, just as it was that he had asked me a few moments before hand.
As JaggedBriar seemed to catch quite a bit of the smile that I had on my face, it was clear that it did in fact make him feel quite a bit better, all at the exact same time as well, as in the end, he did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to nod back to me, to let me know that at the very least, he was in fact paying attention as to just what it was that I was even about to say to him, all at the exact same time as well, none the less.
I let out quite a bit of a sigh of relief, as I knew that I needed to think more positive, as I knew that things were going to be okay, as I knew that the clan was going to grow stronger even through all of the hard times that we had been going through, all at the exact same time as well, none the less. I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could, as I then did in fact begin to start to speak to JaggedBriar, now that it was that I did in fact know that he was in fact listening as to just what it was that I even had to say to him, all at the exact same time too, as well.
"Yes... You can go and do that... Who all will you be taking with you?" I asked him, as I looked at him right in to his eyes, all at once, to make sure that he had in fact heard what it was that I had just asked of him, as I did not want him to be taking the entire clan with him, but at the exact same time as well, I also knew that if they had a bunch of sick cats, they were in fact going to need some cats to go out there and hunt for them, all at the exact same time as well, once again.
I knew that I was a good hunter, as my mate was even better than me at hunting none the less. How ever, I also knew that at the exact same time as well, that I could not go with him, as I knew that there needed to be at least one of either me or him that needed to stay back at the camp to watch it, and to take care of it, all at the exact same time as well, none the less. I did my best to try to keep my self calm, as I simply just stared at my deputy right in to his eyes for quite a bit of some time.
I at first wondered if he had not thought all of that through just yet, before it was that he had in fact gone over here to speak to me, but I realized that was not the case at all, as I saw that there already were a bunch of cats that were behind him, as it seemed like I just really had not been paying attention to the camp, and I had not been paying a single attention to any of my surroundings what so ever as of today, all at the exact same time as well, once again.
I did my best to try to calm my self down, as I knew that it was more than likely that the entire clan had been thinking on this whilst I had just simply been laying on the grave of my mate as of today. I knew that I needed to get over all of that, and I needed to lead my clan, as I knew that it was time for me to wake my self up, as I knew that I had enough time to grieve. I knew that my father had never been the way that I was when he was the leader of this clan, never the less.
I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could, all at once, as I saw that JaggedBriar was looking back at all of the cats that he was in fact about to go on ahead and take with him, all at the exact same time as well. I breathed in quite a bit heavily to my self, as I for sure saw a lot of cats right now, all at the exact same time too. JaggedBriar seemed to stare at them for quite a bit of some time, as I saw they all seemed to have quite a bit of some blank looks on their faces.
In the end, finally now ever, I did in fact see that JaggedBriar had in fact turned his head over to me, all at the exact same time as well, as it was clear that he was going to explain to me, and he was going to answer the question that I had asked him a few moments before now, all at the exact same time too, as I then all of the sudden saw that he did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to nod to me, all at once, to let me know that he was about to speak to me.
I still felt like some thing was a bit strange with this, as I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts that I had in fact been thinking on long before now, once again, as I knew that things were in fact going to be fine for us, as I then all of the sudden did in fact go right on ahead and nod back to him, to let him know that I was in fact paying my fullest attention as to just what it was that he was about to tell me.
I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could once again, as he then all of the sudden did in fact begin to start to speak to me, now that it was that he knew that I was in fact beginning to start to listen as to just what it was that he was even about to say to me, all at the exact same time too, never the less.
"I am taking about half the clan with me... WillowWind, SniffEyes, LittleBelly, KindLake, CloverShade,  MooseEars, and TinyPaw... We will be back in a few days..."