Whisper of Her Lies (Nayon Series 2)

Kabanata 22

Kabanata 22
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I was heartbroken. I was not alone but completely lonely. I would want to detach my name and my identity. For a complete mess like me, having a name for a mere existence is a shame.

That was my thought the past months. My mind was clouded with thoughts that weren't necessary. My soul has been lost from my life's track and my heart so damaged that it would look like shattered pieces of a broken glass.

Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko, at kahit gaano pa ako kainin ng sariling mga ideya ng isip, hindi ko pwedeng iiyak ang lahat araw araw. Hindi ko kayang mailabas ang lahat ng sama ng loob ko, ang hinanakit, ang mga pagdaramdam... dahil sa buhay na nasa sinapupunan ko.

I could not even drink any alcoholic beverages for the sake of my child. Gusto kong magpakalunod sa alak at kung maaari, hindi na matutong lumangoy pabalik sa buhay ko ngayon. Pero hindi pwede. Paano nalang ang anak ko?

Oo, aaminin ko na nasaktan ako ng lubos sa nalaman ko. Si Ryleigh, magpapakasal na. O malay ko kung naikasal na nga siya. I couldn't care less about his marriage. I should not give even a tiny bit of interest about it cuz it is not crucial. It is not my thing. It is not something that relates to me.

Tama naman, 'di ba?

Ilang buwan na rin ba ang lumipas simula noon? Hindi ko na matandaan. Ang hirap sauluhin ng mga pangyayari lalo na kung ang bawat ala-ala ay katumbas ng isang taong sakit.

For the past months of surviving, I realized that my baby matters the most. I knew that before, but now that I am starting to live a life away from the usual lavish life I had, my baby is now my riches. Walang kahit anong makakapantay sa anak ko kaya kahit gaano ko pa kagusto na mag-breakdown, ang hirap gawin sa ideya na baka maipahamak ko lang ang anak.

I stayed strong for the remaining months. I deteriorated and yet I stood still and tried to fight despite the overwhelming weakness seeping into my bones. I was mentally and emotionally drained and physically tired.

"Bumili na kaya tayo ng mga gamit?"

Hirap akong makisali sa mga pag-uusap nila. Gaya ngayon, hindi ako makaimik sa tanong ni Miquesa. Tulala sa kawalan na kung hindi lang tinawag ni Heidi ay hindi pa ako sasagot.

Nahihiya na ako sa kaibigan. Heidi got more part time jobs to make two ends meet. And now that she has to provide our needs, she was determined to earn more. Hindi naman ko pinapabayaan ni Tita. She knows where I am staying. Nasabi ko sa kanya ang plano ko bago ako umalis sa bahay niya.

Papa and Tita decided to give me monthly allowance for my needs. Kaya lang, hindi naman ginagalaw ni Heidi at nasa bangko lang. I already talked to her about using my money but she refused. It was her principle talking.

Naisip ko na rin na magtrabaho kahit nasa bahay lang pero mahigpit akong pinagbawalan ni Heidi. Hindi pa napanatag at pinaalam pa kay Tita ang plano ko kaya ngayon ay pinagbawalan na ako ng lahat.

I have my own money from my savings. Sinubukan ko na ring ibigay iyon kay Heidi pero tinanggihan pa rin. Sa huli, hindi ko na ipinilit pa ang gusto.

Sidon is helping her, though. Ganunpaman, nakakahiya pa rin.

Buong akala ko ang tapang tapang ko na. Ang tatag ko na para mayanig pa ng kahit anong pangyayari. Only to my disappointment when I got my heart broken for the second time.

"Pinatay si Amivo Fidallego."

I was so sure that I don't care about Ryleigh anymore. I have freed my love for him the reason why I don't mind if he's gonna have a baby soon with his wife or whatever happens to his life. Pero sa isang iglap lang, umiiyak na ulit ako para sa kanya.