Whisper of Her Lies (Nayon Series 2)

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21
Never Exist Again

All I want is to be back to my home. I want to be in the same warmth. My heart has longed for Altaguirre's familiar view. My eyes keep on asking for his image. And my soul has been demanding its comfort and peace.

All I thought is that coming back to Altaguirre will bring me nothing but peace. A kind of peace a home could give. A real one. A genuine care and concern.

Hindi ko inaasahan na sa muling pagbabalik ko, kasagutan pala ang naghihintay sa akin. Sure, I promise my child that I will not entertain negative feelings. Only those overwhelming emotions are welcome to my heart. I have readied it. I have cleaned my heart. The heavy loads of my heart are just sitting there at the littlest part I have given them. Nakaayos na kaya hindi ko na gaanong ramdam ang bigat no'n sa dibdib ko.

Ngunit sa maling akala, mayayanig din pala ulit ako. At sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon ay maliliwanagan na ng lubos.

I don't know how I made my Tita speak about my curiosities. Ang naaalala ko lang ay kung paano ko sinabi sa kanya na nangangamba ako sa sariling pagbubuntis.

"You will be a good mother, I know."

That is how it started. She didn't conceal her perspective towards my mother. It was all clear to me that she was mad at her sister for treating me that way. Naiintindihan ko naman ang galit niya kaya hindi na rin ako nagulat sa lahat ng narinig. I was actually expecting to hear her anger and disappointment on my mother's selfish decisions. Lalo na nang nalaman niyang gustong ipa-abort ni Mama ang bata kung hindi ako magpapakasal sa ibang lalaki.

"Iyan din ang sinabi ng Papa mo sa akin nang tumawag siya. Jana is giving him a hard time while he is busy tending Vista. And I can't believe she suggested abortion!"

Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa baso ng gatas na tinimpla pa ni Tita para sa amin ng anak ko. Papasikat pa lang ang araw sa Altaguirre nang makarating kami. Akala ko nga ay tulog pa si Tita ngunit nasa baba na pala siya at ilang oras na kaming hinihintay.

"She is frustrated..." tugon ko sa mahinang boses.

Napasinghap siya sa gulat dahil sa sinabi ko.

"But still isn't an excuse to hurt and force you! Anak ka niya at apo niya ang nasa sinapupunan mo! If she's really concerned about her family, Vista Vio would be her least of concern with your safety and health on top!"

Dahan dahan akong nag-angat ng tingin. Saglit na nagtama ang tingin namin ni Tita. Kumurap kurap siya at nag-iwas ng tingin. She took several deep breaths, shaking her head a little as if reminding herself that what she did was invalid.

"Importante sa kanya ang Vista Vio, Tita. Alam ko 'yon dahil hindi naman siya maaapektuhan ng ganito kung hindi."

No matter how cruel my mother seems to be, I still want to understand her sorrows. Kahit malabo mang maintindihan ko, gusto ko pa ring subukan.

"Your mother is always impulsive. That's the thing I hate about her. Akala mo kampante na pero kapag nagkagulatan, desisyon agad at hindi na pinag-iisipan."

Nilingon niya ako. Sa ilang buwang nawala ako, hindi ko alam kung tumigil na ba siya sa pag-inom o wala lang siyang oras para intindihin pa 'yon ngayon dahil sa presensya ko. It surprised me to see her without her usual drink.

"I warned her about Caligo years ago. She married my best friend and I know what Sandro can do to help Vista," panimula niya.

Umayos ako ng upo at iniwan na ng atensyon ang gatas. I am attentive to Tita, getting a little bit nervous at her obvious revelation.