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"Yea, I'm on my way to the hospital now." I had told ma as I started the car.

"That's good, you and Lana need to stick together on this. I mean it, Odell." I shrugged then let out a sigh.

Honestly, her and I aren't sticking together on much lately. She doesn't want to talk to me. I'm not too sure if I want to talk to her. I'm not even angry with her. I feel embarrassed, or maybe ashamed. I don't know how to describe it. I just know I want to avoid the conversation now more than ever. A couple days ago, I asked Lana to speak to me. I wanted to tell her that I felt lost and that whenever I felt this way I would usually turn to what I know best. I know getting high isn't the answer, but its the truth. When I tried to talk her, I could tell she was tired. But not sleepy, just exhausted. Exhausted with the drama and dealing with my shit. I know she didn't want to hear me. I think she's sick of me being vulnerable with her. I'm her man so I'm supposed to have the words to say and the next steps to take.

It shouldn't have been up to her. I was supposed to lead us through this, but deep down I know she thinks I can't.

Hell. I don't know if I can myself.

She's probably sick and tired of having a guy that deals with shit like this without worrying about his sobriety or any of his other self-destructive tendencies. I assume it's draining. That's why I don't blame...or won't blame her for wanting to end this.

"I'm gonna just sit with my boy for a couple hours, then come home." I explained.

"Odell, talk to her."

"There's nothing to say-"

"There's a lot to say! You two don't have to go through this alone. You have each other and it would make this so much easier if you'd both see that!"

"Ma, I love her. I love my son. Some shit, though...it's irreversible. We never gon' forget how we bringing our first child in the world. She's going to resent me for these memories for the rest of her life. And I'll never be able to blame her for that."

"Odell..I swear to- This is not the time son."

"I get what you saying. This isn't the time to speak about a relationship or anything like that."

".....You're making this so much harder than this needs to be. I love you. Tell my grandbaby I love him." the phone clicked off so I pulled out the driveway. I want to make things work with Alana, but I can't parade her with that right now.

Alana Cardenas

"Thank you big brother." Aaron chuckled as he handed me my to go box of food from the restaurant down the street from the hospital. I was so tired of hospital food. I really appreciate him for being there for me.

"No problem sis. How you been?" I watched him take a seat by the window.

"I'm fine. Just hoping everyday for good news." I looked over at my baby. He has his arms stretched out and eyes shut. His chest still bounced up and down with no sight of stopping. I just wanted to put a little blanket over him or something. I asked the nurses if I can and they tell me no because he's not cold. How do they know? They don't know if he's cold. He could be freezing and I'm not even allowed to put him in my arms to keep him warm. I hate every minute of it. "Where's ya boy?" I shrugged.

It's 6 now. Odell usually comes around this time or maybe thirty minutes from now to see Junior. He just sits by him and watches him breathe. I usually just lay in bed and watch tv. We don't talk much anymore.

"You ain't seen him today? He comes by everyday right ?"

"Yea, sometimes when he comes the nurse's take me outside to walk around the hospital."

"So y'all don't sit in here together?"

"Sometimes."

"What do y'all talk about? Like, what's the plans for when you take my nephew home?" I shrugged again.

"We don't talk about stuff like that, Aaron." he scrunched his face up at me. "What you mean?" he questioned.

"We just...kinda...pass and go."

"Alana?"

"Yea?"

"Your baby is fighting for his life right now. He has been since he got here." I looked at him stunned. What was his point in reminding me about that. I know my son is struggling because I've struggling, myself, being here with him since he was born. "Aaron, you tryna be funny or something?"

"Why would any of this be funny?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you!"

"None of this shit is funny except for you telling me that you and the guy who claim to be so in love just had a child who's going through of this and you two are choosing now to be just...cordial?"

I leaned back in my hospital bed and stared at the ceiling for a second. It wasn't my fault that Odell and I aren't talking. He's processing this differently than I am.

"We are handling this the best way we know how."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

I looked over at him and watched as he ate from his plate, not even making eye contact with me. "No it's not." I argued. He chuckled then nodded his head. "It is..y'all are...y'all something, for real." he let out a little laugh then dug in to his plate some more. "I'm not sure what you know that I don't but...him and I are really just trying to understand this situation in the best we possibly can, for both myself, him, and our baby." he rolled his eyes. "If you guys wanted a relationship where you didn't have to speak to each other or could sit in a room without conversation then you should of stayed broken up a year ago. Now you wanna distance yourself from each other after you have a baby? ....after you have a baby the way that y'all did?"

"Aaron, it's a lot easier said than done-"

"No. You have kids with people you care about. People that care about you. Not people you don't feel like talking to in probably the worst moments of your lives."

"I still love him. I just can't be his shoulder right now. I can't sit here and worry about how guilty he feels. Or whether or not he's gonna go home every night instead of getting high. I just need to focus on my son. I need to be here for him. Not half him and the other half Odell. Just. Him. He deserves that from me."

I meant what I said. I don't have the mental capacity to take care of Odell, his ego, or his sobriety right now. My son can't breathe on his own. He's in pain as we speak. And all I can focus on is taking him home and laying him across my chest. I want to give him a kiss and a tight hug. Odell is not my son and I can't take care of him right now.

"Your man is grown so I won't fault you for that. But I will say that you two need to grow the hell up."

"...that's not fair, Aaron. We're trying-"

"Not hard enough," he got out of his seat and walked towards the door. "It's not okay that through all your bullshit...the lying, cheating, the games, all of it! You two couldn't stay from each other. And now that you bring a baby into this world, y'all wanna play strangers when he needs y'all together right now the most."
-

Y'all agree with Aaron ? Or do y'all think Odell and Alana are handling the situation the best way they know how?

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