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Aaron had left a little while ago. And not too long after he left Odell had trailed in behind. We did our usual head nod then he sat down next to the baby. Again, as usual, he pressed his hand against the crib enclosure and just stared at Junior. We sat in silence and let the time go by.

I had been thinking a lot about what Aaron said to me. Odell and I were supposed to be getting married the morning after everything went down. And now we don't even speak. Why is our relationship like this? Never consistent, always varying. I long for longevity with him, it just seems like the universe never allows for it. When I can't sleep, I think about what things would be like if he was in the hospital room with me. I sometimes want to call him, but I really have no clue as to what I want to say first. I know I want my relationship to work, but it's so hard to deal with our love life and everything else that's going on around us. It had been a while so maybe I should start with hello...

"Hey," I lightly spoke.

He looked up at me, stunned. "Hey." he replied.

"How have you been?" I watched him shrug.

"Been better..."

I felt that. We most definitely have had better days. Days that we spent laughing, not crying. Kissing, not fighting. I miss those days. It seems like forever ago since we had one like that. I've had this baby for 10 days, not 10 years. And even if it's been a decade, why isn't this happening the way I imagined when I was pregnant? He was so loving and we couldn't stay away from each other. Now he's here and neither of us know what to say.

"You ate today?" he asked, giving me a slight feeling of relief that he's still concerned about my health.

"Yea, Aaron brought me food. You ?"

"Nothing yet."

"Why not?"

"Not hungry."

"You should eat. If you want, you can grab something from the cafeteria-"

"I'm good."

"But if you don't-"

"I'm good."

I stopped. I didn't want to argue so I just avoided further discussion. I observed and watched his posture. His eyes seemed tired and his body seemed weak. He's not using again, right? He wouldn't do that to Junior. I didn't even think to care about that issue for the last 10 days, but now that I see him in front of me the thought of that being reality is frightening me. When the baby and I do leave the hospital I still want a sober Odell in his life.

"How are you...mentally?" he shook his head.

"I don't wanna talk about that." I watched him let out a small chuckle as he said that. It scared me.

"I do...I wanna know how you're doing."

"You didn't wanna know a few days ago." Odell shot his eyes over at me. I sighed then shook my head.

"I'm sorry."

We both stared at each other from across the room. Neither of us spoke, just watched. I saw his breathing start to become labored and his eyes began to swell. I could see that on him, but I could feel it on me. A tear fell from my eyes and hit my cheek and the same happened to him. It was as if we were mirroring each other. Suddenly I crawled to the end of my hospital bed. He lifted his body from out of his seat and began walking towards me. I sat down and looked up at his face. He looked down at me then cupped my cheeks with his hands. I could see it in his face that he was just as tired as I was. I knew he was tired with us creating issues to ignore important things we have to go through. I don't like it either, but for whatever reason we keep doing it. I want to be whole with him. I want to take bad situations and turn them into challenges we take care of together, not turn them into things we separate ourselves from. It sucks not having him here with me. It sucks not knowing what he's doing when we aren't together. It sucks wondering if he still cares or if he still wanted everything we promised each other before this happened. Aaron is right. My baby deserves to have the two people who fought for their relationship, not the two idiots that give it up when times get a little harder than usual. I want that for him. I know Odell does too.

"Alana, please just-"

"I know, I'm trying to. I don't wanna keep pushing away from you either."

"So why are we doing this?" I shrugged.

"I'm not sure. But I know I want to make this work."

"So do I. I'm sick of not speaking. I need for us to be on the same page."

"I want that too."

He grabbed my hand then gently pecked my lips. I smiled a little as my eyes began to dry up.  I wrapped my arms around his neck then pulled him closer to me. "Baby..I'm sorry I wasn't there for you that day."

"I understand why, I'm sorry all this happened."

"It's not your fault."

"It is."

"Odell stop-"

"Alana...if you and I are being honest with each other then we can be honest about how we got here. I'm the reason our son is going through this. I'm the reason you're in the hospital. I fucked up so many times-"

I shook my head then pulled him tighter into a hug. "You didn't cause any of this. I'm sorry for not taking you serious all the times you told me you changed because I know you have. You're different than who you used to be and our baby being born like this shouldn't have been what made me realize. You're such an amazing man and I'd give anything in the world to spend the rest our lives together. I don't wanna have to sit here and think about whether or not we'll ever get married or do all the things we talked about."

He smiled at me. "I don't either baby."

"So..are we okay again?"

"I love you, Alana. Of course."

-

Chapter is short. For the sake of the storyline, I didn't think Alana and Odell deserved to hate each other with ALL this going on around them....at least not right now.

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