The Feeling Of Infinity∞

Ten{°} Me

Gideon

(･ัω･ั)

The new year came in really fast. And like everyone else, I had plans for the year and new year's resolutions attached to it. I was recently advised to do that coz it would me keep track of my life.

The year was definitely new, but nothing seemed new in my world. My entire life still felt the same; guessing changes and everything new takes time. My old friends depression and anxiety followed me from the previous year into this one.

These guys didn't want to leave me alone.

I began my therapy session as usual just two weeks after we welcomed the new year. Ruth, my therapist seemed really excited to welcome me on our first session of the year, oh how I wish I was as excited as her.

The smile on her face when I walked into her office showed how excited she was to have me. I wouldn't say I wasn't excited to see her, but, the excitement I had can't be compared to the she was having.

The first therapy session of the year was a quick one. How I responded to the questions asked? The usual way, dull, boring. I was still the guy with his head in the clouds. I answered her questions my usual way. The way that annoyed her.

This time, though I was same guy giving the dull replies, Ruth did not feel discouraged or annoyed like I expected her too. My cold body language didn't make her feel awkward as before. I guess she was getting use to how I was or maybe she was beginning to act more professionally or something.

The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was the usual one and I guess. I did better than other days, though it seemed like my performance was no different from the previous days; her look made me feel I did better.

Can't remember much of what took place at our meeting cause I didn't put much interest in it but just before I left she handed over to me this book, actually journal.

"Please don't open it until you get home..." She beckons on me just as I was about flipping the cover open to see if something was written inside of it.

"Okay?" I felt confused. Nevertheless, I agreed. I walked out of her office, shutting the door behind me.

I didn't put much interest in the journal, I mean, it was until night time. I had just prepared myself for bed before the thoughts of the book crossed my mind. I had left it on a small desk where I kept some of my other books and my laptop and some other stuff.

The desk was one well designed like a minny shelf and also it was placed facing the wall that created a demarcation between me and my neighbor at the other side. The desk was the first thing you'd see when walking into my apartment. The door was just slightly at the left.

My apartment was one designed just for me. A kitchen and my living room that I converted to my bedroom at night. It wasn't something I placed in to much consideration in when I was picking the place.

For me, the reason for picking the place was the small space and just the thought of having a roof over my head was the main motive behind my choice of taste.

Anyways, the book was just laying flat on the desk; maybe even yelling just flip me open already, that is if it had the lips to actually talk.

I picked it up walk down to my bed and then fall flat on it. Laying on my bed, a pen fell from it down to my chest, rolling down from my chest to the side of the bed. I picked up to see this piece of paper wrapped around it that had something written on it that read 'USE ME' in bold upper cast letters.

"What's next?" I say to myself as I flip the cover open. I wasn't so much surprised, I knew she was more than capable of doing stuffs like this. This might probably be the least amongst what she had in that sleeves of hers.