The Feeling Of Infinity∞

Thirty Four// Healing 🎀

Ruth
(◕ᴥ◕)

I could see light. So blurry but yet so real. My head felt dizzy, couldn't move my body the way I wanted. Tubes with string needles pieced in my body ran to a thin pole where a drip bag was hanged.

The face person I saw after opening my eyes was my mom;the last person I ever wanted to see.

I couldn't help but wonder what had happen? I only remember having this headache and then feeling dizzy before probably passing out.

That day we were having dinner. Jasmina and Aunt Adebisi(my uncle's wife) did the cooking. We didn't have much to be celebrating aside from the fact I had finally quitted locking myself in my room all day. All that was thanks too Gideon.

I felt suddenly pressed. I went to the rest room, it was there I began to feel dizzy. Because of that,I had to leave the table much earlier than expected.

Arriving at my room,the dizziness worsen,head began to hurt pretty much and in my toilet,I began vomiting. I knew I was sick.

That was all that transpired before I passed out.

****

It was actually a normal day. I just felt little headache,the usual one. The headache was something I pushed over with loud thoughts that it was probably as a result of the fun and stress that happened the other day, when Gideon partially kidnapped me.

Was it really a kidnap? Maybe no.

I was glad for being able to escape the terrifying walls of the house. Ever since the ordeal with Rebecca,things started going down the drain for me. I was loosing it but I was more convinced than ever that everything would work out for my own good.

I think where I actually got things wrong was the fact that I was too positive about everything. When things began to go the other way,all the positive vibes began too disappear.

Things was falling apart really fast and all I could do was to hide from everything. The brave Dr. Quick Recovery began to chickened out. I kinda fell into the pit of depression like everyone else, maybe the only difference was that I was letting mine get the best of me.

Jasmina would stand at the door to inform me that Gideon dropped by to ask of me. My only response was "okay."

-ᄒᴥᄒ-

The day he actually took me on that his little trip that things went wrong, it was quite amusing. I admire the guy

I was probably too lost in the cloud to actually notice anything that was going. Till now I'm still lost in the clouds; can't wrap my fingers around how him and Jasmina could plan such conspiracy under my nose. Cute though.

The kite is gonna be a forever reminder of that day.

**"**

I'm one of the lucky ones to still be here.

Seeing mom at the hospital for the first time after a long while was something I wasn't expecting. I managed to remain calm for a little while, that was until I finally lost it.

She was trying to be the consoling mom. Trying to assure me that everything was gonna be fine;to her it was like nothing had even happened.

I thought I had gotten over all the hurt,all the pain and resentment. I was wrong,I had never truly gotten over everything. Seeing her reminded me of the hurt all over again. The same hurt I felt when she left me, when she left us at the door steps of uncle Ben.

Jasmina wasted no time to Chase her out of the room. Shortly after she walked out, Gideon came in. He was lucky to have been spared from all the drama. He came in with his sister.

My entire stay here has been a pitiful and a depressing one. Mom kept showing up. It was like she was trying to be the all supportive mom when she the one we abandoned us. I lost my hair,it was shaved off because of the operation that was at hand.

∞∞∞∞∞

It was Wednesday and Aunt Adebisi just came in to my room to check up on me.

"Thanks for everything. For the love, for being my mother figure." I said showing my appreciation. She dresses my bed.
"You know, back then, when you were much younger,I used to be the one helping you get dressed and I was also your helping hand in getting you ready for school."
"And now, I'm doing it all over again." She's getting emotional.
"Same process, same feeling." Time sure travelled fast but the sequence somehow repeats itself.
"I'm grateful for that." I take her by the hand as she sits next to me.

"How are things with you and your mom?" The question changes my mood.

I turned to look away from her.

"Sometimes you have to learn to forgive you know." She said.
"Forgiveness? It's something that's hard."
"Everything is hard! Loving is hard. Moving on is hard. Learning is hard."

"Sometimes all that's ever worth doing is letting go. What's worth knowing at this point is that she came back,for you,for us!"

"I've always been the understanding one..."I'm trying to bring a justification to my hurt.

"I know. You just have to keep on being the understanding one."

"Jasmina has always been a rascal. Even now..." She teasingly says.
"... She's gonna have a harder time letting go of the hurt and I understand. But you, you just have to be strong."
"Give her the chance to be the mom she seeks. Give her the chance to restore her lost dignity as your mom,the one she left behind the moment she walked away."

"Forget about the fact that she's been a bad mom but you know,you will be an hypocrite if you don't."

"A word of advice; don't be the preacher that preaches a different gospel from the one his life portrays. It only makes you a hypocrite."

She touches my face gently.

Funny but that talk about me being an hypocrite would be true. Deep words from someone more experienced than me but I'd be a fool not to think about everything she's poured out.

We All are victims to our own flaws. We've all hurt many and somewhere out there we are the villain in someone else's story. We are just angels in ours.

A warm hug from aunt puts an end to the entire talk.