𝔽 𝔸 𝕃 𝕃 𝕀 ℕ 𝔾

3

Avery
Ten years ago

I am standing next to my drawer. The house is calm today because he's not here. My mother wants me to do something for her. It's about my real daddy. The one who doesn't want me.

''You'll wear this blue dress'' my mother throws it at me. I look down at it and narrow my eyes. I don't want blue, I want black.

''Mommy I-''

''Quiet, we already talked about it'' I hide the tear that fell on my cheek. I don't even want to go. This will be a birthday party for my sister.

The sister I wish would fight for me.

I watch my mother leave and the walls are closing on me. My chest heaves and it's hard to not throw up. My head is spinning with hundreds of thoughts.

What if he wants me now? What if they keep me? Would I leave mommy? I wouldn't hesitate. I walk to the mirror and I almost don't recognize myself. My hair is curled, my skin is smooth.

No sign of my black eye or the marks on my arms. No one will notice and there's nothing I can do about it. This isn't the first time my mother has used concealer on me. Yes, I know everything about makeup. 

I might be eight years old but I might as well be older than my own mom. If I stop putting the concealer on my bruises, mom will forbid me from going outside. Even if I want help, I can't get it. Unless, I want another black eye.

''AVERY! We don't have all day!'' mommy shouts. I lock the door and change as fast as I can. The pit in my stomach won't go away. My head is railing and I can't stand it. I throw the dress on my shattered body before walking to the garbage can.

I throw up and my head doesn't stop. The water in my face is like a fountain and I can't stop it. I fall to my knees and when I hear her knock on my door, I wipe my cheeks and make sure I didn't ruin my mother's makeup before walking out. If she sees that I cried, she will hit me again.

I don't want her to hit me again. At least it isn't him. My mother's boyfriend isn't home. That's the only reason we are going to this stupid thing. He wouldn't have allowed it. He is so protective of my dear mother but as he calls me, I am only a 'little shit''. The only reason I am forced to go is because we need money.

If we don't have it soon, we'll get kicked out of the house and then we'll die. I don't want to die. My mom says I have to be sweet and nice. I have to make friends. She says I have to try. Why? I can't comprehend why is this so important?

''Okay, tell me what you'll say to him'' she shakes my shoulders and I flinch. A mistake I often do and often regret. She slaps me hard across the face before looking back at my eyes. I can't stop the tears forming behind my eyelids. I want this to stop. I want this to be over. I'd rather die than live any other day like this.

''Hi, I am Avery, your daughter and if you don't give us money I will shout it right now'' I whisper, my voice cracking. My mother smiles and she kisses my forehead. It's her way of apologizing to me. I like to think that she regrets what she's doing to me. But I know better.

This isn't true and today I will only be a tool. She will only use me. The smell of whatever drugs she's doing assault my nostrils. It's nothing new. But I still cough.