How We Broke Up

CLAYTON

No one told us that life will be hard. If they have, perhaps this will be a lot easier or they should have told us to not go beyond and further.

Thankfully I got her.

Victoria and I are friends since the world began. We knew how to piss off each other, and how to do otherwise. I know exactly how to make her feel that everything will not change because that is what I exactly believed in.

Nothing would change.

College came. Overwhelming feeling creeps unto my skin and bones when I first stepped in onto the campus. I was in deep shock when reality slap me real hard. So, this is how college feels like. It sucks.

Slowly, something has change with us Victoria. I don't know if you could notice that or not. Guess, I'm the only one. I don't know.

For the first year on college, we firmly hold onto our burning passion in order for us to survive. I also tried my best to visit her in our favorite place.

We survived. But college still sucks.

Not until he met Robert Houston on sophomore. It pissed me off when all she could do is talk about him whenever we see each other. Once in a blue moon, that was the only chance to have the time for the two of us, but it will always be ruined whenever he speaks highly of that guy.

Once, I met him. He's fine, but I'm still me, her best friend. For a moment, I realized it. That's when I knew what I feel about her. Victoria.

Why do I have to feel this way? Or maybe I am threatened because of that Robert guy? I don't know.

When she introduced me to that guy, maybe she felt we could be friends. So, she tried to bring this guy over our meeting. I didn't come. Over and over and over again, I bailed on her.

Then, one day I learned about her problem. She needed a place to stay in. I immediately texted her to ask her where she is, surprisingly when I came, she was with someone.

Right there in front of that guy, we fought. I didn't know myself. I shouted every word I wanted to tell her, I fought for my reasonings, principles, or whatever the f*ck I am fighting for. And then there I knew how that guy was helping her.

You barely knew him V. Why do you have to choose him? I remembered asking. She said she was not choosing. It happened to be, he was there when she needed and I was not.

That broke me. That's why I left.

For years I attempted to make an effort to tell her where I am going. Why do I have to fight for my own place? Why did I become selfish? F*ck I hate how immature I am.

But every step I take in, fear creeps in. The sadness in her eyes always makes me back out of the battle. So, I didn't try again.

One day, she wrote to me. Come visit.

That's when we exchange letters, but I never got to visit her. I still don't have the guts to see her personally. What if I see them together?

Fear sucks. There's too much opportunity wasted because of our anxiety. And I f*cking hate it.

I graduated never seeing her. Then, I fought again for another battle. Perhaps this is life. Suffer from school for years, then suffer again from working till you die.

Second year of working, I realized, life doesn't have to be this hard. I grabbed my pen and paper to wrote letters, things that should have left unsaid but I will still say.

Since that apartment is the last returning address that I know of, that's where I dropped the letter.

Everything was going smoothly. Although no one is answering, I still kept on going. The same goes with my luck.