The Journal of Remus Lupin

17

So, I'm writing this now in the hospital wing. Last night was awful. I managed to break a few bones, and scratch myself. Why, oh why can I never be in control? Maybe if I wasn't in such an enclosed space...not locked in, maybe then I wouldn't hurt myself so much.....NO. I have to stay locked in...Not just for my sake....for others as well.

How can I be so selfish? What if I do hurt myself, it's worth it. I can't imagine waking up in the morning to find out that I killed someone, or worse.....

No! I'm not even going to think about it!

It was hard getting away from my friends during dinner time. They needed help with their homework, and it was really hard to convince them that I couldn't do it. They asked why. I told them I wasn't feeling well. Now, they must think that I just didn't want to help them out! Well, maybe they think that I get sick way too easily. Either way, I made it to the hospital wing just in time last night.

James and Peter are outside at the moment...Madam Pomfrey refuses to let them in. Sirius managed to get detention because of "inappropriate behavior" in class. It's for the best that they don't see me now anyway. What excuse could I possibly make up? The best explanation I can think up of is falling down the moving stairs! Thank goodness Madam Pomfrey didn't let them in. She may be stern, but she really is nice. I know it's hard for her to do this every month.... The healing potions, walking me back from the...the....the Womping Willow, having to fix me every single time. Every time I thank her, she says it's nothing. Still, I am really grateful.

I have to take this potion called "Skelle-grow". It's awful! It will put me in a really deep sleep. Well, that is what I need....rest.