The Journal of Remus Lupin

37

It's Wednesday now. Full moon is tomorrow. It's the last one for this summer. I'm scared... terrified. It's been getting worse, worse than usual. Ever since January, my...injuries have been more...more....

Well, you get the point. It's getting more powerful...the curse. Sometimes, I dream about it...I'm not me...he's not me. It's all pointless! The healers say it progresses as we get older. It'll become stronger...more painful...more....deadly.

I've never written this before, but I might as well now. When I am locked in that place, alone, in the dark, wishing the moon would never appear, there is no hope. I try to keep myself there, to bear it, but I always wake up tired, hurt, and praying that no one got hurt. Of course no one will get hurt...the only one who will is...myself.

When I am in that...state, I am not myself. I fight it, oh, I FIGHT IT. There is no hope! The voice shouts at me...sneers in my head. "No hope!"

My hands are shaking writing this down! How can I-how-why? Why? Why does it have to be me? Why does it have to happen? Why can't I control it?

I feel sick. I feel like I'm going to throw up. My bones ache...ache for the full moon. WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? WHY MUST I LIE? WHY DID IT EVEN HAPPEN TO ME?

I give up. I can't sleep...I don't want the nightmares to return. They're worse...