Blue and White - Levi Fanfiction

Ch. 18 - The First to Dedicate Their Hearts

Something that I knew I would have to come to terms with upon joining the Survey Corps - willingly or not - was death, and lots of it. Of the three regiments, the Scout regiment was the one with the highest mortality rate, and as it was, whether I wanted to be or not, I was considered one of them. I was counted among their ranks, a soldier though not decorated, but adorned in their uniform all the same, and so I was a statistic in the face of what could happen. 

All of these wing-borne men and women were brave, that was for damn sure, because with each expedition the projected number of deaths among their soldiers seemed only to get higher and higher as their numbers dropped lower and lower. Each expedition pushed further, pushing the limits of what these soldiers could do.

It was why, if El and I had ever gotten around to getting me a training visa to live up top, he wanted me to join the MP's or the Garrison. Never did he anticipate me joining the scouts, nor did he want me to. Honestly though... while certainly well on the safer side of things, I couldn't quite imagine spending my life standing around guarding politicians as they ate and talked about how they could worsen the lives of the poor people or, I don't know, what was it the Garrison did? Shine up cannons? I didn't want to do that, either. 

Besides... nothing could beat this view.

It was strange, though.

Last night, for the first time... the scouts we'd been living and working with seemed to finally see us as something more than street rats. Many of them had seen us fight, and word spread fast, and as such, news of our exploits - of taking down that single abnormal Titan - bled through the ranks and that got people looking at us as comrades, as real soldiers at long last.

And Isabel had gotten to talking too, about understanding why these soldiers devote themselves to this cause. In a way, us wanting to leave the underground to reach the surface was much like these soldiers wanting to leave the safety of the walls to experience real freedom.

As we raced along the grassy terrain on our horses, I found myself looking up often. Once, I had to look up at only rock, and for a time it seemed that sometimes, especially after that first night I got to see the starry night sky with Levi, I could look through the rock and see the night sky. It wasn't true, of course it wasn't, but it was all that I could do.

It was beneath the starry night sky last night that we... He and I made a promise.

That too was a story for another time.

I glanced over at him now, only briefly so that I wouldn't get caught and I wouldn't get too distracted. As Squad Leader Flagon reminded us often, the unexpected could happen at any time and because Erwin's long-distance scouting formation was still a work in progress (though it was a damn good one, at that), it was susceptible to flaws, especially considering that this was the first instance of the Scouts trying it out.

Erwin Smith, simply put, was a genius, and of the masterful sort. He was tactful, and upon my conversations with him over the past few months (as I did what I could to gain his trust and get closer to him), I found myself swayed by his grand visions of the future. I'd been trying to get him to be persuaded by my charms, but I found myself wanting to learn more about him.

How the hell did that happen?

"There's this look in your eyes," he had told me once. "You're a formidable woman, Amaya. You have the makings of an incredible soldier."

"What makes you say that?" I had asked. "You can't possibly learn so much about someone by looking into their eyes."

It was a lie, of course, and incredibly hypocritical. I was very good at reading people and their expressions, and what was said but not stated within their eyes. It was the only way I had been able to get so close to Levi; learning his eyes. I learned to read his expression, and what he said without saying it verbally, only with his eyes and as such...