Blue and White - Levi Fanfiction

Ch. 24 - Trapped Souls

It wasn't long after we were told that we were going to the Underground City again that we actually went. It was a quick turnaround, a quicker one than I had anticipated, and there were only a few precious days between the announcement of that mission and the date we were to embark.

Due to his personal stock in wanting to know the very origin of Titans, especially these special ones that were far more advanced than regular Titans and even Abnormals, Erwin came along with us. And because they bugged the hell out of him, Hange was allowed to tag along as well.

Like every other morning, I woke up today alone in my bed. Levi very rarely allowed himself to rest in mine with me, and he was even more rarely to be found in his own office. No, it was more that he seemed to move himself into my office with me. I could only guess at the answer, because I was sure he wouldn't say it outright - of course, he stated that he loved me only quietly and rarely and quite bashfully at that, but we were working on it - but what I didn't have to guess after was why I rarely ever caught him in bed.

He did tell me that he joined me, but I knew it was a lie. I wasn't stupid, I knew that he wasn't sleeping. In the underground city, we would lay in bed together and he would sleep. I knew he would; I was there in bed with him and I could hear the way his breathing slowed, see the way his face relaxed, hear his quiet snores, and feel the lazy, lethargic way he would move and so often, keep me close.

No, I wasn't an idiot. It appeared that he developed some form of insomnia now that we were here. He rarely slept and he rarely allowed himself the chance to even try. More often than not, if I awoke in the middle of the night needing water or to use the bathroom or simply because that's just how things happened, I would peek out of my room and catch him resting in his chair, his head bowed and his arms crossed, but still sitting up in a way that could not have been good for his posture or allowing him any amount of good, productive sleep.

It was a problem. It was a problem that he clearly did not want to talk about, because whenever I brought it up, he would dismiss me or leave, and it was a problem that I wasn't sure how to solve. Was it nightmares? Was it born of so much grief all at once? Was it because he hadn't settled into this new environment yet, and his mind which never shut up and turned off would not allow him to relax?

I didn't know the answer, and it seemed that Levi didn't want me to know, or didn't want me to find out for myself.

So when I woke up this morning and realized that I was alone, I was disappointed but not surprised. I sat up and pressed the heel of my hands to my eyes to gently rub the sleep from them as a low, scratchy yawn left my lips.

Levi entered the bedroom then, his uniform in hand. When he noticed I was awake, he slowed to a stop. "Good morning," I said to him. "Sleep well?"

"About as well as I usually do," he said, his voice low and effortlessly smooth, as it always was. And I knew with only those few words that I was correct; he had been up for a while, probably doing more paperwork. "You look like you slept rather well."

"Hm?"

He looked rather obviously towards my hair, and I lifted one hand to feel it, only to realize I had quite a messy bit of bed head right now. I laughed lightly, knowing just how ridiculous I probably looked. I got up out of bed and smiled, because just as I made to turn and make the bed, Levi came around to the other side to help, setting his clothes on the nightstand for now.

"Thank you," I said warmly, meeting his eyes.

He only nodded in reply, and as he made sure the corners were tucked neatly, I turned my attention to my wardrobe. I gathered for myself a clean set of the uniform, and I made sure Levi was still hard at work fixing up the bed before heading into the bathroom. I took care of my business and got dressed, and when at last I stepped out of the bathroom, tying my hair up as I did, Levi headed in to take my place, his uniform folded neatly and in hand.