Blue and White - Levi Fanfiction

Ch. 108 - Final

That evening, Emi went to sleep in her own bed again. I briefly worried about her having another nightmare-filled night, but she quite confidently told me she was brave, just like her father, and that I should go to her if I got scared. I smiled and assured her I would and thanked her for being so strong for me.

Then I pressed a kiss to her forehead, reminded her that I loved her, and combed through her hair with my fingers gently until she fell asleep. I left the room only once she was sound asleep, the light sound of her breathing the only other sound in the room other than my own.

I enjoyed a quiet cup of tea with the doctor on the other end of the couch only a few short minutes later, and all was quiet. We didn't talk, for the most part. There was no need to. There was nothing to talk about. Nothing of substance, anyway. A few quiet conversations came and went, but for the most part, all was quiet by the fire.

Without any reason to stay in the living room, I left after I finished my cup of tea, and then the next. The dishes were washed, and I excused myself to my bedroom. The taps on the floor of the crutch were the only sounds to occupy the space once the door was closed behind me. Moonlight poured into the room, but I lit a candle on the nightstand to make it easier to see. I already had enough problems right now. I didn't need to strain my eyes, too.

Once again, I found myself gathering Levi's clothes to wear for bed. If he were here, he'd tell me to, anyway. And I would argue with him, tell him that I had my own clothes to wear. But I would always give in. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that silly, playful little argument with him right now.

As my shaky fingers got to work unbuttoning my blouse, I watched the flickering of the candlelight against the furniture of the room, noticing the way the shadows danced across the room. I got dressed into my nightclothes, cursing slightly when I nearly lost balance as I pulled the clean shirt over my head.

I crossed the room to reach the bed once I was dressed, getting comfortable with my back to the headboard. The crutch I left to lean against the nightstand. The curtain behind my head was still open from earlier today, the moon's glow casting my shadow on the bed in front of me. I reached to the nightstand and gingerly picked up the letter. Not the one Levi had written to me, that had been stowed back away in the drawer already.

No, I started a letter to him earlier. He'd told me he wanted him to write him letters, one a day. And I'd already failed even that, having forgotten to do so until today.

It hadn't even been that long since I'd seen him. Everything had happened so fast. Only the evening after the day of the battle had I returned to Reyes' home, with the way that for part of the trip, we'd taken the railway, which expedited things a bit. And that night we'd returned home. It hadn't been long at all.

Yet somehow, I'd already managed to forget to write him so much as a letter detailing what had been happening, like he'd asked. At least I'd done it today. I added a few more things, dodging the doodles that Emi had made on them before she went to bed. Then I signed it, dated it, and folded it. I'd nearly written my entire title on it, my usual ledger that I'd grown so accustomed to writing. But I'd held back, merely leaving it as sincerely yours, Amaya.

I set it aside, reaching now for the letter Levi had written me, almost without thinking. But... I forced my hands to still when they instinctually began to unfold it. No, I can't read it yet. I want to, but... I lifted my eyes away from the paper, focusing instead on the dresser on the far side of the room. He said to read it if he died. But as far as I knew, he... I knew nothing. Which is why I couldn't read it yet. Not until I knew.

If he came back to me tomorrow, or the day after, or twenty years from now, I would refrain from reading it. I'd only ever read it if I knew. If I got confirmation. To that end... if I never got that confirmation, I'd read it on my deathbed. If I could be so lucky as to know when I was dying, that is, then that's what I would do.