𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐏𝐞𝐭 ✦ 𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐟𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝

XXIV

| NDA x Daddy Issues / Billie Eilish x The Neighborhood |

[ Finn ]

I reached into the box and looked down into it to grab another cigarette. Damnit. None left.

I opened the door and went back inside. I grabbed my wallet and set the box down on the counter. I put my shoes on and left my apartment, walking down to the elevators.

"Finn!" Brookelynn came running out and I smiled as she hugged me. I crouched down and picked her up. Her mom came walking over with her brother and Brooke pulled away.

She narrowed her eyes at me and then hit me.

It didn't hurt but more so just shocked me.

"Brookelynn!"

"You're smoking." She prodded.

"Brooke." Her mom said sternly.

I laughed and shook my head. "I have... I've just had some bad couple of weeks Brooke. Pinky promise I'll stop when it gets better."

I set her down and held out my pinky.

She took it and stared at me.

"Ok... Please."

I nodded and she let go.

"So sorry, Finn." Her mom grabbed her and took her back to the room. Before I could get out an 'it's fine' they had already shut the door.

I turned back to the elevator and hit the button. It took a minute or two but finally the doors slid open. I walked in and hit the lobby button.

As the doors shut I stared blankly at the floor.

I'm a mess, aren't I.

I felt some tears build up in my eyes and quickly wiped them away. Nick hated that I smoked. He would always hit me like Brooke did when he could smell it on me.

The doors opened and I walked out into the lobby. I opened my wallet and pulled out a 20. I pushed the button  and put the money in. 

This stupid little machine might never actually get restocked and I'm always scared each pack them will be the last.

I got lucky and the pack fell into the dispenser. I pulled it out and headed back up to my room.

. . .

Sometimes I feel better. Sometimes I feel worse. Usually a smoke helps take the edge off. Sometimes it doesn't.

The guilt hits hard and I feel like a fuck up for smoking.

Just smoking...

I lit a cigarette and went back to the balcony. I sat down in the chair and looked out at the city. When I chose my apartment, I was mad about how high up I was. How inconvenient it would be.

But this view is something you can really get lost in.

Sometimes that's what you need.

To just stare out at something and get lost.

The door opened but I didn't turn. I heard Y/n setting her things down and looked down at my ashtray. Gross. Have I really been smoking that much?

"Hey."

I turned and smiled, reaching out for her hand. "Hey." I responded. "How was your day?" She asked, taking my hand.

I looked back forward as she sat down with me.

I put the cigarette back against my lips and thought about my day.

"There's nothing they can do." I mumbled after exhaling some smoke.

She caressed my knuckles and I bit the inside of my lip.

"There's no evidence. So they're just taking her out of my class." I finished.

She looked back out at the city as well and sighed.

"That's... It's good. Right? It's not the best but it's... It's something right?" She comforted.

"Yeah, you're right. I just... I wish they could've tried to do more..." I put the cigarette back to my lips and Y/n scooted closer to me.

"I'm sorry, Finn."

I shook my head and laughed to try and shake my tears. "It's ok! It's... The best they could do for me." I put my cigarette out and stood up.

"It's fine... Come on. It's about to rain."

She stood up and came inside with me.

"I'm going to go shower." I pointed back at the bathroom and looked at Y/n.

"Can I-"

Her phone started ringing and she pulled it out of her pocket. "It's Lily. Go ahead, I'll come after." I nodded and she answered the phone.

I walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I feel so numb. Ever since I got the news. They can't do anything? No bruises no case?

I can't believe this.

And my moms talking about not giving Nick a funeral.

'It's too painful'

It's all painful. All of this is painful. The least we could do for him is a proper funeral.

I undressed and got into the shower. I need Y/n right now. Just throw our phones away and lay together in my bed. Just us.

The hot water felt good on my skin. My muscles are so tight from all this fucking stress. I can't handle it. I rubbed my shoulders and groaned quietly.

I think I need to leave this school.

It's not the same anymore. Everyone knows what happened to me and they treat me differently now. I can't stand it. It makes it so much harder to cope when everyone treats me like this.

The only person who knows what I need is Y/n.

I'll wait for her to graduate then resign. I'll look for a job at another school and we'll get married.

Married?

Do I really want to marry her?

I've never really thought about marriage.

Does she even want to marry me?

I shook my head and told myself to stop with the thoughts. I already have so much going on. Y/n and I are perfectly happy like this.

I just really need her right now and I can't push her away by scaring her with things like that.