being married

xxii.

t w e n t y t w o.

I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to prepare dinner as Chris had instructed. Riley was expected to be home soon so I might as well. All the bruises were covered under a black cotton turtle neck with sleeves that reached my just above my wrists and a pair of jeans. I quickly found some random ingredients around the kitchen when I heard Chris coming down the stairs. I was chopping up some raw vegetables when I felt him slink his arms around my waist causing me to flinch slightly. He lodged his head between my neck. I felt his uneven breath tickle my skin before he said, "I'm sorry, Mya." He broke out in sobs and continued to apologize to me. "Please forgive me. I didn't know what got into me, I just.. I couldn't think straight." He turned me around and held my face to see it was covered in tears.

He kissed my cheeks, wherever he slapped, and then my lips but I didn't kiss him back. "I don't want to lose you or Colton. He's mine, I don't care what your mother says, he's mine and you're my wife. I love both of you." He went down on his knees, his arms still around me, and pressed his cheek against my stomach. He said multiple times that he won't hit me again. Chris cried for half an hour or so until he looked up at me with red, puffy eyes. He embraced me a little tighter. "Do you forgive me?" Should I say yes? Because I think I should. This man was capable of doing such harm to someone he claims he loves. Just imagine if I said no, what would the outcome be? He already had his death trap called hands wrapped around me for his own assurance.

I bit down on my lip, trying to stifle a sob but my eyes still ran like Niagara Falls. I nodded quickly and looked away. I blinked away the tears as he placed a kiss on my bare stomach. "Let's have another baby." I turned head towards him in complete and utter shock. He couldn't be serious. He could NOT be serious. He got off his knees. He was about to say something when the front door opened and closed.

"Jen, go get ready for dinner." Jen ran passed the kitchen and down the hall to her room. Riley came into the kitchen and placed the baby bag on the counter. "Well, I don't need to ask what you guys have been doing," she winked referring to Chris who was kissing my face and lips. How could she be so oblivious to the way he was gripping my waist and kissing me to hide the damage that he had done? He lifted me up unto the counter and gasped at the sudden pain that I received in my derrière. "Ok, well, um, I should get going, but remember we have kid in the house."

Riley exited the room and went upstairs with Colton. I looked away from Chris who just backed away. I turned my face towards him once I noticed he wasn't saying anything but his face was cold and expressionless. "Act like nothing happened," and he left with that. Was he the same person that was just on his knees begging for my forgiveness? No. It couldn't be. Surely, these two people look the same but their personalities were beyond the definition of different.

Chris is... Bipolar.

"So what did you guys do today?" Chris said breaking the awkward silence. We had finished eating dinner and we were now eating dessert, red velvet cake with ice cream on top. I did everything just to make sure I didn't come face to face with Chris again. "Well, we went to the mall bought some stuff and went to McDonald's and Jen played in the ball pit for most of the time until she got hungry. Is that interesting enough for you?" I shrugged my shoulders and played around with the scoop of melted vanilla ice cream with the teaspoon. Mother would have my head if she knew I was eating my dessert with a teaspoon. "Well, what did you guys do today? Although I already know."

Chris smiled, "We experimented with a little role play today but it got kinda outta hand." He held my palm and squeezed it. Well he could've fooled me, and he did... For a moment. He put the remaining pieces of cake in his mouth before getting up and putting his dishes into the sink. He kissed my ear then whispered so only I could hear, "Don't keep me waiting." He stood up straight and showed his pearls for teeth. "I'll leave you guys to do whatever. Good night."

As soon as he was far enough, Riley spoke up. "What was he said true?" I didn't answer her. I just tried to ignore this whole moment. She put her hand on my arm causing my sleeve to ride up a bit. I quickly pulled down my sleeve trying to hide the darkened bruise. "Mya, he can't fool me. I could see right through his bright smile and blue eyes.. Did he hurt you?" I shook my head slowly. "Mya! You're wearing a a goddamn turtleneck in ninety degree weather! ... He's hitting you, isn't he?" I was on the brink of crying for the fiftieth time for the day. "Isn't he?!" My head fell in my hands and I started bawling.

"Ye-Yes," I sniffled. She asked her where so I wiped the makeup off my face with my sleeve and turned to her slowly. It was no use hiding it now anyway. She covered her mouth in shock when I raised my shirt a little giving her a peek of my stomach but she soon pulled it up further so she could see everything. "Shit, Mya, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not your problem! It has nothing to do with you!" I was getting frustrated and she wasn't helping the way I wanted the help. Yeah, Chris hurt me but that was just because I've been disrespecting him. "I've been a bad wife and I feel guilty for doing what I did so he has a right to put me in my place like a good husband should."

She groaned in disbelief, pacing back and forth in the kitchen like a mad woman. "It has everything to do with me, you know why? Because I'm your friend, I would do anything for you! He's been beating you like a punching bag and yet you say you're a bad wife? This is bullshit! You're mad!" She threw her hands in the air. "He's the bad husband, what could you possibly do to make him better than you?"

"It's not your fucking place to say that he's been a bad husband! I cheated on him."

She gasped, "with who? Was it-?"

I nodded, and buried my face in my hands and continued crying, "it was the guy from the hospital. We don't know for sure but there's a eighty-five percent chance Colton's his and not Chris's." I'm so filthy. I wish I could just peel off my skin and dispose of it. I can still feel every-time he touched me, everything we did was engraved in my brain. I feel so horrible for what I did. I don't even know who the father is although I'm pretty sure it's Jacob's. I can't believe this is happening to me. I can't believe I did this to Chris.

I have to go apologize.

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There's this chapter, chapter twentyone, that I feel weird about. I think it's a little harsh but if you want to read it just message me because I took it off.