being married

xxxv.

t h i r t y f i v e

Jacob Moore

I sat there with Riley on the couch just watching tv. Well, I tried. Every time I let myself go and let my mind drift, Mya always appears in my brain and I just had to drink every time it happens. I just wanted to forget but she was just so captivating, I keep thinking of her body under me when we make love to each other. "Jacob, you need to stop drinking so much." I just huffed at her and continued to drink. I needed to forget and that's what I'm hoping to do by drinking. I screwed up, I know that but only realizing it won't help bring her back. She's not going to come back if I said I was sorry, I tried that already. Maybe I need to hear her voice.

I picked up my phone but Riley snatched it away. "What the fuck?" I tried to take it back but she wouldn't give it up. "What were you going to do on the phone?" She asked, the phone raised above her head and both my hands on each side of her body while she's on her back. "I was going to call someone."

"Call who? Mya? She needs time to think, Jacob. If you don't give her that time, she won't even consider what you have to say to her." She made a good point. She's probably as angry as she was when she was here. I was deep in thought when Riley shuffled beneath me and I found myself staring into her brown eyes. I told her I needed a drink and sat back at the other end of the couch. "Well, if you don't stop, I'll just have to drink with you." She took the glass from my hand and drank every last bit of it before filling it up again. She took a sip of that one and handed it back to me.

I groaned loudly at the light sneaking through the blinds. My head felt like someone was banging it against the wall. I sat up, throwing the covers off of me and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I massaged my temples in hope that it would ease this growing headache. I felt some movement on the bed but I paid no mind. I don't remember much from last night so I probably drank off the entire stock of alcohol I had left. "What the hell did I do?" I heard a voice mumble. Turning around, I saw that it was Riley. That explains why I feel guiltier than I am for some reason. She held the covers to her chest and looked up at me. "Don't you feel bad about this?"

I shrugged. "Why should I? I can't recall doing anything with you." I replied coldly. "I can't even get myself to twitch at the thought of doing things with you." I stood up and went into the bathroom after she clutched her knees and started sniffling. I can't see myself doing anything with Riley. Yeah, she's pretty and all but she's not Mya. She's not Mya. She's not my Mya.

"Look, I'm not all that interested in you either!" I heard Riley scream through her weeping. "I barely liked you in the beginning but you treated Mya like how she was supposed to be treated so grew to like you as a friend. I can't believe I did this. What is he going to think of me now?" I rolled my eyes and started to brush my teeth. She's probably thinking Jon isn't going to like her anymore. Jon always picked a girl over me so I don't really care.

I saw, through the corner of my eye, Riley running out of the room with the sheets wrapped around her. When I was done in the bathroom, I put on a pair of sweats then went into the kitchen to get a bottle of whiskey. I think I was going to need some hard stuff today.

"She-She just needs some time to, uh, think. I'm sure she'll come back to her senses soon." I sat in my room with a bottle of whiskey in my hand. I gave up on cups and glasses within the hour of Mya leaving me. I massaged my prickly chin, I hadn't shaved in a week. I haven't been to work or even outside. But whatever, I'm sure she's doing the same. She's probably as depressed as me since we don't have each other. Yeah, she's probably crying herself to sleep or something since I'm not there. Mya would wake me up at night because she was tossing and turning, whimpering with sweat prickling her forehead but as soon as I put my arms around her she would instantly stop and snuggle into my chest.

I was proud that I could calm her down. If only I could've calmed her down before she left me. Oh God, why did you let her leave me? I took another swig of the half empty bottle of alcohol, and wiping my eyes from the threatening tears. You're never going to cry for her anymore, Jacob. She's been using you. She never wanted you in the first place. "She never wanted me!" I screamed to no one but myself. I stood up and threw the glass bottle at the wall above the bed, shattering it. But she said she loved you, Jacob. You fucking screwed it up!

I was going to get another bottle when I walked pass my mirror that I had broken yesterday. "You just had to fuck things up, didn't you?"

"Jacob.." I heard a voice call. "I'm leaving." I turned to see it was just Riley. Every time I saw her she reminds me of Mya. I didn't want her to leave, she was supposed to be here to keep me as calm as I could. She stood there for a while before saying, "bye." She walked by with her suitcase in hand. Women always leave me. That's natural. Whatever, it's just giving me an even better of a reason to drink some more or even drink myself to death.