Always an Option

Chapter 8 - One Last Cry

Minsan ang love sobrang kumplikado. Hindi siya ganun kasimple katulad ng gusto ng mga tao. Hindi yan isang one plus one equals two.  Minsan para siyang quadratic equation.

To be honest, the day I knew about their wedding engagement, I locked myself and cried alone on my apartment. When I say cried, I really cried hard. There’s even a snot! But I promised myself that this is the last time I will be crying because of Aziel, of my hopeless one-sided love.

I really hope so.

Kase mismong sa sarili ko, sinabi ko na ito dati, na iyon na yung huli kong iyak pero may mangyayari and I’ll find myself crying again.

Naghihintay akong sabihin sakin ni Mama ang balita na nagpropose na si Aziel kay Kayle pero wala ata siyang balak sabihin sakin.  Hindi naba talaga ako parte ng pamilya namin? It was a big news pero parang wala siyang balak na ipaalam sakin.

Baka nga isang araw, ibabalita na lang sakin ng tatlong itlog na kasal na sina Aziel at Kayle. And they won't even invite.

I needed to ready myself on that. Alam ko naman na noong niligawan ni Aziel ang kambal at nang sagutin siya ni Kayle, ay doon din ang punta nila, sa kasalan.

But I am actually hurt, hindi lang dahil sa nararamdaman ko kay Aziel but how Kayle’s treating me. I never received any message from her for the passed one year. Despite of our differences, I still reached out to them. Nagpapadala ako ng gifts at nagsesend ng mga messages tuwing may birthday, pasko at anniversary sa pamilya namin. Kahit masama yung loob ko, hindi naman mababago na pamilya ko sila.

Pero bakit ganun?

Hindi ko sila kayang tiisin pero ako? Pakiramdam ko ni hindi nga nila ako naaalala eh.

Alam ko may issue at hindi kami pagkakaintindihan ni Kaye pero ni hindi man lang niya binalita sakin.

‘Did she think I’ll ruin this for her.’

It’s unfair kase wala naming akong ginawang masama.  Ni hindi ko tinangkang agawin si Aziel, ni isipin hindi. Dahil hindi ko kayang gawin yun sa kanya. I want her to be happy.

Pero kailangan ko din tanggapin na may kasalanan din ako kung bakit kami ganito.  Our ties have been severe way back nang lumayo ako sa kanya.

I hope someday na maging maayos din kami ni Kayle. Yung parang walang problem, panahong kami ang sandigan ng isa’t-isa.

Si Aziel.

I know some of point, tinuring niya akong kaibigan o girl bestfriend pero ni hindi siya nagreach sakin. The last thing I’ve received a message from him.

“I am sorry, Keena.”

Alam niya ang sama ng loob ko sa pamilya ko but he did the same to me, he refused to listen with me first. I never replied and he never sent any message after that.

Nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob to open my instagram personal account na dineactivate ko noong umalis ako. Agad din akong nagsisi nang makita ko ang unang picture na bumungad sakin.

On the first picture, Aziel was teary-eyed while kneeling in front of Kayle offering a ring on a red box.  Kayle was wearing her yellow dress with half ponytail, she looks so happy in her dress.

Hindi ko alam kung may pagkamasokista ako but I still scroll to the left.

On the second picture, Aziel is kissing Kayle while she’s showing her hand wearing an expensive diamond ring.

I still smile despite of the ache in my heart because I can see them genuinely happy together.

But the third picture ruined me, I felt like my family really excluded me and it’s okay with them. It was a picture of two families, Kayle and Aziel is on the middle. Annika is looking beautiful.  Both families are looking happy without me in it.