If Im Not In Love

18

Her body was aching, but judging by the large bruise on the side of her face, she was doing much better. It was still an ugly purple with some horrendous yellow mixed in but she really looked a lot better then she had in the past two weeks. Derek had gone fishing and then do something else with Mark, so she needed to do this now. She needed to pack up her things before he got mad at her for lifting a finger. She was packing.

She loved staying here, she really did and she loved the idea of spending her time in his bed, with him right there. She knew that was wrong. It wasn't her bed and Derek wasn't her husband. But she kissed Derek more then her husband had really kissed her in the months before. Something was wrong with all of this. Incredibly wrong. Kissing another man wasn't normal, she knew that. Even after the sensual kiss on the couch, their lips had touched. They just kept touching and nobody was apologizing. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't care at the moment. She honestly wanted to be kissed and just like that. Every second of those kisses made her feel different. It felt like she was supposed to feel and hadn't. This wasn't revenge, it wasn't. Just kissing. That was all.

As she stuffed a sweater into her suitcase, her eyes caught on the diamond. The one Bradley had slid on her finger and she had hesitantly said yes. Meredith wasn't the marrying kind but then again, Bradley had changed her. Tequila Meredith was gone, no more one night stands. Instead she became the girl that coordinated colors and took a couples cooking class. It was all so stupid, everything about her had changed. Everything. But in the past few days, Meredith had fun. It wasn't the kissing. It was the company. She wasn't walking on egg shells, emotional because she was injecting herself with fertility drugs and hormones. Those hormones were still sitting in her blood, she knew that every time she cried when her marriage popped in her head, or anything really.

So she was packing, everything. Even if it felt like knives stabbing her body, she was packing because Bradley would be home soon...maybe. He might be coming home and he was still her husband. So she was going to go home, get out of Derek's way...try to not kiss him anymore and she would go home.

"Knock knock..." Derek whispered, on the other side of the closed door. "Are you up yet?"

"Oh um....yeah!" Meredith reached for one of the overnight bags and quickly tossed it on the other side of the bed as the door popped open.

"Good morning." Derek smiled, stepping into his bedroom that had become hers while she'd been staying there.

"Um...morning." She breathed, hoping he wouldn't see her suitcase on the bed.

"Mark bailed on me." He sighed, noticing the suitcase. "What's that?"

"I'm going home." She said right upfront. Honesty was probably best.

"That's funny, Mer."

"I just think it's time and the house is a mess because I haven't even been back so I should go home. I should get the house ready." Meredith wasn't even sure what she was getting it ready for as she ignored the headache she had been feeling.

"Meredith...you're not going anywhere. Let me put this away." Derek said, walking over and realizing her suit case was already full. "Mer..."

"It's time."

"No...it's not."

"You've been so nice and we've...the point is my house is a mess and I've really been overstaying my welcome here. Derek...I have a home."

"Hmm...well you heard Dr. Bailey...you're supposed to have someone staying with you."

"It's been two weeks. I'm doing much better." She insisted as he noticed she still wasn't standing straight up.