If Im Not In Love

44

The tunnels were such a great place. They were empty and there wasn't a steady amount of people passing through on a minute by minute basis. It was great, because she was tired, finishing up her own charts and her back was killing her. She just needed to be alone. Her patient with the stab wound was going to be fine, but she just needed space and the tunnels gave a lot of space. Nobody was there to argue over getting into surgeries or staying over night to find some miracle case. There wasn't anyone trying to get her to talk since an awkward moment at home. It was weird how it had happened. Something hadn't been right but in a way it had until he mentioned things and now she just had to be alone. Alone in long and hollow tunnels.

"Here you are..." Derek came around the corner, seeing Meredith sitting on one of the gurneys. "I've been looking for you for a half hour."

"Why?" She didn't even look up, as she took a bite of the granola bar she had found in the back of her car this morning, still in the package but a little broken up.

"Because...we usually eat lunch together if we're not in surgery."

"Sorry didn't realize I couldn't be alone." She groaned.

"That's not what I...Never mind."

"I thought Lexie was on your service today." She replied, running her hands over her scrub tops because they were uncomfortable. She didn't even want to wear the damn scrubs in the nosy hospital.

"She is....She's getting an MRI on our patient...I told her to page me." He sighed, sitting down next to her. "Chips?"

"No."

"If you change your mind...I got you an extra bag." Derek breathed, tossing them behind her.

"Dried out veggie chips are not chips." She groaned, looking up at the bag in his hand.

"I got you potato chips." He pointed to the one he had tossed behind her.

"I said I didn't want them." She replied, pushing his hand away before running her hand over the damn scrubs again.

"Then don't eat them."

"I'm not."

"Do you want some of my sandwich?"

"Nope." She rubbed at her eyes.

"Any good surgeries today?" Derek asked, taking a bite of his food.

"Nothing major." She pulled the pen away from the chart, trying to remember every detail.

"I have a craniotomy later...if you want to scrub in."

"I've been here for sixteen straight hours do you really think I want to be here longer than that?"

"You used to like staying late and scrubbing in with me."

"Are you just going to stay here and annoy me or are you going to stop and let me do my job?" She snapped.

"I...forget about it." Derek shook his head, wrapping up the other half of his sandwich.

"I don't have to be happy to see you every time."

"No you don't."

"And I don't always have to be with you." She ran her hands over her tired face. As soon as the charts were done she could leave. She could give them to an intern but that was...she was the doctor, she could do this.

"If you want me to leave, just say it."

"You could have just not looked for me."

"I'll remember that next time."

"Fine." She rubbed her eyes again.

"I think Mark and I are going to get a few beers after work."

"Fine."

"I won't be too late."

"I don't care." She groaned.

"Did I do something?" Derek turned to face her. Aside from bringing up kids, he couldn't think of anything that would have made her upset with him.

"What?" She looked up, a strand of hair falling in her face.

"Did I do something to make you angry?"

"Oh...well I wanted to be alone."

"That's all?"

"Derek would you just..." She stopped, feeling her cheeks turn red. She wasn't meaning to snap, not even a little but she was exhausted and things had been weird and now she just wanted to be at home in her bed. "No I just....I'm sorry."

"Of course I accept your apology, Mer.."

"Huh?"

"It's okay...I just wanted to know what I did to make you so upset with me." Derek sighed.

"I'm just tired..." She said quickly.

"That's all?"

"Yeah..."

"I can't fix it if you don't tell me.'" He sighed.

"You can't fix me being tired." Meredith replied.

"Okay."

"You just can't." Her eyes looked tired.

"I could take you home..." He breathed, rubbing her back lightly.

"I get off in a few hours...you have a surgery."

"I don't mind taking you home."

"Derek..." Meredith groaned, pushing her hair from her face.

"Okay...okay. Sorry. Never mind."

"Okay."

"Do you want to lie down in my office?"

"No!"

"Okay." Derek pulled his hand away from her back and stood up.

"I don't need...I...."

"I'll leave you alone...if you want to lie down or...anything, you know how to find me."

"I..." Meredith covered her hands with her face, shaking her head slightly. She was tired, more tired than she could handle. "I'm just going to let Lexie finish these."

"I'd offer to take them to her..."

"I can do it."

"Fine."

"I just...I'm really just tired." She was. Her whole body was aching and Meredith was pretty sure she would have to find the coffee cart on the way out of the hospital.

"Yeah...I know." Derek sighed.

"Put those chips away." She reached behind herself before tossing the bag forward.

"I'll just...give them to Mark." Derek breathed, picking the small bag up.

"Fine."

"I'll see you at home."

"I might be asleep." Meredith breathed.

"That's...good. You need to rest."

"Yeah..."

"Let me know when you get home."

"Okay." Meredith sighed.

"Okay." He nodded, turning around to walk back down the hall.

"Okay." She mimicked, her head shaking slightly. She was tired and snapping at him was too much. He didn't deserve that. She knew it was too much and he wasn't doing anything wrong but things were getting weird but now she was exhausted from working to avoid the awkward stuff that shouldn't even be awkward. None of this should be the way it was but still...she was snapping at him and making him feel even worse than she did. She would talk to him and explain that she was more tired than she could handle but now she would go home and sleeping might make it easier. It just might solve everything.